Feeding Frenzy

So I under-ate a bit last night with a "salad on the run" from Wendy's for dinner and found myself pretty hungry when I got home from my son's baseball game. He helped himself to a small helping of ice cream (I do still buy it once in a while, mostly for him.) I didn't want ice cream.

I felt like I wanted protein, so I had a single serving of cottage cheese. That only seemed to make me hungrier almost immediately, so I went and got string cheese.  Moments later I was in the kitchen folding a couple of tablespoons of fat free cool whip into an orange non-fat yogurt. It was like a creamsicle, only healthier. But if felt pretty decadent.

Afterwards my stomach felt a little too full. A bit uncomfortable. And I felt guilty. Like I'd made hella bad choices.

When looking at it objectively, I had three non or low fat dairy choices, totaling a only maximum of 300 calories (and that's stretching it a bit.)

I still feel kind of cruddy about it and here's why. It wasn't planned, I didn't think out what to have, and it became a kind of feeding frenzy to get something satisfying in my tummy. I moved from one item to the next almost immediately. I am glad I had healthy (or mostly healthy) snacks around for times like these.

Thia was a real reminder that I shouldn't let myself  get so darned hungry in the first place! I didn't plan dinner.  My son had a baseball game right after work and I didn't prepare food or snacks, I was running late and I just grabbed a fast Wendy's salad. When I got home hours later I was ravenous.

I have written before about HALT (don't let yourself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired) as these can be bigtime triggers for binging. Well, that still holds true and I have, once again, proven it to myself.

Again, 300 lowfat dairy calories filled with calcium, vitamin D, and probiotics/prebiotics isn't exactly a scale-breaker or a punishable offense. It's just a gentle reminder to keep planning ahead and to not let myself get into predicaments where I'm ravenous like that.

The good news is that I was hungry upon arriving at the house and not when arriving at the grocery store to shop. Have you ever shopped while starving? I believe that would have ended badly.  :-)

Al Fresco Chicken Sausages: Review

I'm in love with a sausage!

A couple of months ago I discovered the Al Fresco line of chicken sausages at my closest supermarket (Super Fresh.) I have since seen it in other stores around town as well.

It is fantastic!

I stay away from red meat most of the time.  I don't even think I eat it once per week anymore.  I avoid greasy foods or really fatty foods like kielbasa or sausage most of the time as well. So finding this is a treasure!  All the taste without the fat.

They have several varieties/flavors including:


And their website has a gazillion recipes:  Al Fresco website

What I like is that the meals are simple and quick to prepare.  I just threw a bag of sauerkraut into a crockpot with a sliced apple and a big handful of frozen sliced onions, along with 4 apple sausage links, set it on low and left for work.  When I came home I had an awesome main dish ...  that is only 4 weight watchers points!  (I used 8 points because I had two sausages with the veggies.)

I keep getting surprised that healthy can be also quick and easy. Who knew? It just takes a little creativity and planning.  And I'm finding that once I have some of these things down pat, they become more automatic.  I can't wait until this is all just "who I am" and it's all on auto pilot.

I think I'm halfway there already!  Anyhow, bon appetit!  Let me know if you have ever had these or if you decide to try them!

Can I Pick 'Em?

I think my picker is busted.

I kind of wondered about my picker when my first marriage unraveled after the first month of matrimony.  After a solid year of counseling I branched out again.  This time I picked someone who would eventually reveal himself as a verbal and emotional bully.  My man-picker needs realignment.

I picked a house to buy in 2007.  I closed on it one month before the flipping stock market crash.  And I paid the full asking price because I loved the neighborhood, the yard, and felt incredibly safe here.  I'm going to have to live here 20 years to have the house worth what I paid for it. All at once, the major appliances have almost all kicked the bucket, and speaking of buckets, the roof started leaking...not in one spot....but all over the place.  Oh, and I was robbed twice in the first two years before alarming every nook and cranny.  Oy vey.  My house-picker clearly needs a tune-up.

And yesterday, I got the following letter from Team Fitness America, the company I paid for my personal trainer.  "We regret to inform you that FIT2MAX, LLC., dba Team Fitness America is immediately closed down indefinitely......The company is insolvent and we have retained a business attorney....." and it goes on to list the attorney's name and address.  Even my friggen exercise picker is broken!

So that's that.  I am glad I didn't pay them all of the year's fees up front.  I am losing some prepaid money, but not as bad as my actual personal trainer (Nina) who didn't get paid by them for a substantial amount of her time.  At least I got a service for the money I paid.  She provided the service and didn't get paid!  I'm going to make a blog post all about her soon....she's really been awesome!

I'm not sure what this is going to mean going forward.  Nina and I are going to step back and regroup and talk over the weekend.  It's a conundrum.  I can't afford to "double pay", i.e., having already paid them and then pay her independently, too.  At the same time, I can't afford to not have a personal trainer!

I work ten times harder when she's here then when left to my own devices.  With her, I do 3 reps of 15 of various moves.  On my own I do 1 or 2 reps at most and get bored and move on.  With her, I work a solid hour.  On my own, I work a not-so-solid 20 minutes and get bored.  With her, she straps on these medieval torture devices like leg weights!  On my own, are you kidding me?  I always think I'm "not ready" for extra weights...I underestimate my abilities ALL the time.  That's why I need a personal trainer...someone to push me farther than I think I can go!  Even when I really can't do the move at first, I end up getting really mad at her and then that extra energy pumps into the exercise and I end up doing it anyway!

Well, this morning she's not here and I have to go just do it on my own.  I have to.  I cannot lose this momentum.  I've come wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy to far to turn back now.

And as far as my picker goes?  I think I'm going to lay off making any important life choices for a while until I can bring that thing into the shop and get it looked at....   ;-)

The Travel Gavel

I spent the last week traveling for work to the south.  Our hosts were incredibly hospitable, and in true southern style, they fed us frequently.  Unfortunately for me, everything that was offered was not conducive to weight loss or the healthy lifestyle I'm trying to implement.  

Our first night there was after 15 hours of travel and work, and involved fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans and biscuits.  Yup, Kentucky Friend Chicken!  I had no choice that night, I was ravenous, so I made the best choice I could from what was available and went with white meat chicken and lots of green beans with a dab of cole slaw.  

Throughout the rest of the week they brought in danish and muffins, personal pan pizzas and subs, candy bar minis and bags of chips.  I was a little sad I couldn't have them at first, but then remembered two things:  

1. This was my choice.  I was CHOOSING to eat healthy, because I wanted to!

2. I already know what all those things taste like and how I feel after I eat them.

Those thoughts really put everything back into perspective, and so  I found a grocery store and brought apples, string cheese and yogurt with me for my own snacks.

I also managed to eat pretty healthy for breakfasts and dinners.  I think my greatest find was at Ruby Tuesday's.  They have a spaghetti squash meal with zucchini pasta sauce that was unbelievably yummy.  What's more, there's a Ruby Tuesday's in walking distance from my home so I have found another winner for when I go out to eat! 

At the hotel, we hit the breakfast bar a couple of times during the week.  Once I opted for the healthy continental side (fruit, yogurt, milk, cereal) and the last day there I went for the big buffet and had eggs, bacon, some cheesy breakfast potato thing, oatmeal and fruit.  I had extra points for the week and wanted to be sure to use them!  (With weight watchers, if you eat less than your weekly points, your body gets used to it and if you later eat all you are allowed, you can gain weight!  So it's always best to lose more slowly but eat all your points!)

I barely exercised all week, though, and I sat on my butt doing my work the entire time.  The only movement was getting up to go to the bathroom (no pun intended.) ;-)  I did hit the treadmill twice during the week, but that is nothing like what I do when I'm home.  So I was a little worried about what the real judge and jury was going to say when I got home......the dreaded SCALE OF JUSTICE.

Well...I got on it this morning and the verdict is in:

I lost 1.5 pounds!  I am stoked!  The pic above is me, sitting on a huge chair at the Knoxville airport.  I love those southern small airports.  They are so homey.  I had my coworker take a pic of me on the humongous rocking chair.  For one thing, it makes me look smaller since the chair is so big, and for another, it reminded me of Lily Tomlin as "Edith Ann."  lol

So the bottom line lesson this week is this:  I can travel, make good choices, and stick with a healthy lifestyle.  It's not going to be "perfect," but life never is.  I worked my plan and clearly, this week, my plan worked for me!

:-)

Trick or Treat?

I have started a new, quirky game I play with myself.  I just decided to call it "Trick or Treat." It works like this:

When I am in a situation where I find myself wanting something unplanned that could derail my progress, I do not tell myself I can't have it.  I instead invent a suitable game to play to keep the possibility of eating it open.  Let me give you two examples from this week.

Scenario One: Out with the Gang

About 30 coworkers and I went out to dinner this week and were seated in a big horseshoe.  A gentleman a couple of folks down from me ordered a pie which also came with ice cream and he didn't want the ice cream so he offered it to all of us.  I could have easily taken it, but I didn't, and instead watched it go down the line.  My game was that if it made it all the way back around to me, I'd eat it.  I told the guy sitting next to me about my game and we cheered the plate on as it went down the line with a "Yay, come on, come on" and a "awwwwww" when someone scarfed it up.  I laughed and told him it was a creative way to enjoy the food without actually eating it.

Scenario Two:  Red Lobster

I ate tonight at Red Lobster.  Home of the cheesy biscuit goodness, for goodness sake.  Not so much a game, but I told myself I'd eat my salad before entertaining having a biscuit.  After the salad, I decided I'd have all of my dinner first and if I was hungry after dinner, I'd have a biscuit.  By the time I was done with dinner I was totally comfortable and not interested in the biscuit anymore!

I had broiled (dry) flounder, asparagus and a plain (dry) baked potato.  Site note:  Instead of one big flounder it was a whole flipping school of baby flounders.  I have never seen such a thing!

My old boss (she reads this so I'd like to be clear, I mean FORMER and not "old" hehe) used to say "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels" and I kind of remind myself of that.  Or another way of saying it, "I feel so good now, why would I want to eat junk and ruin it?"

I think with the healthy eating that once you make up your mind that no matter what, you want to be healthy - it becomes so much easier.  You don't fight with yourself.  You just use your energy to creatively figure out how to accomplish your goal and not get sidetracked doing things that set you back!

So next time you're thinking about sabotaging your healthy day, ask yourself...is it worth it?  Or make up a little game.  In this case, the real treat in "trick or treat" is treating yourself to the next right choice!  :-)

Sometimes.....Bread Happens

So I'm working crazy hours and eating all my meals out at the present time. There's not any choice in that.  And I've done a great job in selecting healthy meals - salads, salmon, avoiding the "extras" and bringing healthy snacks to work with me, etc. I'm not tracking the weight watchers points at all, but I think I'm right in the ballpark.  I have a pretty strong sense of what's "too much" these days, what are good choices and what are not so good choices.

Which brings me to last night's dinner.  I ordered a nice half roasted chicken with fingerling potatoes and grilled vegetables.  I was extra hungry so I thought a side salad would be good.  It was! What I didn't plan on was the extra bread plate they sent up with the meal.

I am a carb addict (this isn't speculation; history has proven this time and again.)  I have avoided bread like crazy for a few months.  I'll have an occasional wrap, or a whole grain bagel now and then, but for the most part, I get my carbs from vegetables, beans, etc.

The bread plate had warm bread and real butter.  IT WAS ALL DELICIOUS.  *sigh*  I had one, then another and then .... the plate was gone.  I want to feel bad, but I really don't.  I've been working my arse off for weeks both on this food and exercise plan and for my job.  Given the many other "bad" choices I could make each day (folks have brought in brownies and cookies etc. to work each day), I think I did okay.  This is a lifestyle change for the long haul.  I don't want to be perfect or "all or nothing" or "black and white."  I want to know it's okay to have those days, those moments where I just want what I want and that is part of the success formula.....allowing for the occasional departure for the norm.

Sometimes, bread happens.

And That's OKAY.

(Side note: I may do a little extra treadmill time this morning and try to burn one of thse buns off of one of my buns lol)

:-)

Seatbelt Success!!!

Remember this little guy? It's a seatbelt extension for flying on an airplane when the seatbelt that comes standard in the seat doesn't fit. On December 23, 2010 I vowed I was going to make 2011 a year that I no longer need one of them.

Guess what?

I flew on Sunday and didn't need no stinkin' seatbelt extension! YEEEHAW!  Now, I didn't exactly have to tug on it to tighten it, but who cares?  It fit perfectly fine without any struggle.

Cross another goal off the list!  :-)

While I'm talking about travel....where I am there has been lots of food provided...Kentucky Friend Chicken, Pizza, Subs, etc. and eating unhealthy would be MUCH easier and FREE! But I decided that even though eating healthy will require some planning and extra steps, I'm worth NOT blowing it this week. So while everyone else ate personal pan pizzas today, I found a nearby salad bar and ate healthy.

There's a fitness room just down the hall from my room. I googled the hotel before I came and discovered the fitness room and pool.  I asked for a room near the fitness room.  And I packed workout clothes and a bathing suit!  I haven't had a chance yet, but I'm going to try my best to get in some time both on the treadmill and free weights as well as the pool.

Because I can.

Because I want to.

Because I'm worth it.

:-)

2011 is really shaping up to be the year I wanted it to be, one next right choice at a time!

Parking Space

And just what am I parking, you ask?

Me!

Since 2007 my son has come home with a stellar report card every marking period .  He's been honor roll for four years straight.  And every marking period, on report card day, (the only days of the year we do this), I take him to Friendly's Restaurant to celebrate.  (I know now that the reward shouldn't be ice cream or food, but after four years, this is like a sacred tradition for us!)

Anyway, for four years we would get seated at a booth and I had to look around to see if anyone was watching while I squashed my stomach into the table whilst wedging myself into the booth.  It was such a tight squeeze the table often acted as a shelf bra.  It was embarrassing, and of course, the embarrassment only got worse when later I'd order an ice cream sundae!

On April 15, 2011, I had to pay the IRS instead of getting my usual refund.  But I still found many reasons to celebrate.

1. I ordered from their "Healthy Dining Finder" selection and passed on the ice cream.
2. My son also passed on the ice cream...woohoo!
3. This marks the 6 year anniversary of escaping a wretched marriage and never looking back.  YAY.
4. And most importantly.....I slid easily into the booth with a few inches to spare in the space between my stomach and the table.  

3 inches between table and me

Now that's what I call a great parking space!

♥♥♥

Kashi, My Love

I love Kashi.  Their cute little TLC (tasty little chewy) snack bars had me at hello.  Their cereals and their trademark "7 whole grains plus sesame" are awesome "go-to" whole grain foods.  I have total respect for the Kashi company who brings healthy, wholesome, whole grain foods to the marketplace at a time when people like me are really just starting to understand nutrition.  Yay Kashi!

But really, I don't eat all that stuff except in a pinch (I carry a Kashi bar with me in case I end up delayed somewhere and super hungry).  I prefer to use my points on other things for the most part.  With one great exception:  Kashi's Mushroom Trio and Spinach Pizza. Mmmmmmmmmm.

I love this pizza!  It's quite tasty on its own, but since I love onion on a pizza I always add that before baking.  Cook time is a snap - just 8 minutes on the oven rack and you're good to go.  And it's HEALTHY PIZZA.  Check out the nutritionals below..... (yes, I made up that word because I like it!)

They say a serving is 1/3 of a pizza.  I do not know who they think they're kidding.  My serving size is one whole pizza!  It works out to be 19 Weight Watchers points.

Yes, that's high for a single meal, but not unmanageable.  I can creatively stay within my points for the day using all those yummy "free" veggies and fruits!  (Not to mention I still get a LOT of daily points.)

Those of you who have less points to play with will probably want to eat only half the pizza for a 10 point meal. While I still have a generous amount of points, though, I'm totally going to use them!

I know there's a lot of sodium.  I don't think one "pizza day" per week is going to kill me if I go slightly over on salt.  I'm usually pretty good about that (plus I don't have blood pressure issues, thank goodness.)

It's also high in saturated fat.  I assume they had to do that to keep the taste so yummilious.  It's a sacrifice I'm also willing to make. :-)

I don't do Domino's or Pizza Hut.  I seldom get Chinese delivery anymore, but when I do it's "bye-bye sesame chicken, hello plain steamed chicken with mixed vegetables."  So I feel pretty guiltless over this whole pizza matter.

The other fantastic thing is that you can eat it without even budgeting for it at all!  Weight Watchers gives us 49 weekly "splurge" points for those unplanned pigout days - days when we can't seem to stop grazing in the kitchen, or we end up at that coworker's lunch eating birthday cake.  If you ate the entire Kashi pizza for 19 points, you'd still have 30 left for those weekly extras.  That's pretty awesome!  So it's like pigging out without the pig.  Or something like that.

Anyway, love me some Kashi!  Bon appetit!

♥♥♥


p.s. On the way to the table yesterday, I flipped my whole flippin' pizza upside down on the hardwood floor! Grrrrrrrr.  Notable points:

1. The 5 second rule doesn't just apply to kids.
2. Adding the extra onions is a tremendous help, because you can just scrape that top onion layer off and eat the stuff that originally came on the pizza.
3. Everyone eats a pound of dirt in their lifetime anyway, and hey, it's ZERO POINTS.

teehee

Life Is Like A Piano

I was dusting off my piano the other day (ok, the other week before I sold it) and stopped to read the words of a little plaque my mom had given me:

"Life is like a PIANO.  What you get out of it depends on how you play it."

It made me think of a friend's son.  He plays the piano often and is self taught.  When I talk to her on the phone, I love listening to the piano in the background.  It is passionate, beautiful, pure, and played with true joy.  You can just tell...you feel it.  He spends time with the piano.  He practices.  He invests of himself in the endeavor.  And it sure shows.

I had a piano for over 5 years.  It collected dust.  It didn't give me that kind of music.  It gave me half hearted music at best.  Because it was giving back to me what I was willing to put in...which wasn't very much.

Likewise, I had a treadmill that gave me one thing for a long time.....another place to dust! :-)  That's about all it gave me as I wasn't investing of myself in using it.

I'm happy to report that the treadmill is now producing great results - because I am getting on it nearly every day!  And even when I'm not getting the results as quickly as I would like, there's a mental peace inside of me knowing I'm doing what I can do towards the goals, and the results will come.

I need to remember this little concept in all the areas of my life.  If I don't have a bunch of people to hang out with, I can ask...how am I playing it?  Am I investing my time in THEM?  The answer is, well, no I'm not.  Am I getting a lot out of all the amazing fun things there are to do in this area?  Well, not really.  I'm not investing in getting out and checking them out!

I want to be mindful that the results I am getting in life are largely a direct response to what I'm putting into it!  Whether it's exercising, or socializing (or going to church etc.)  what I get out of it is going to depend on how I choose to play it.  Or if I decide to get off my butt and play at all!  :-)

♥♥♥

Things I Never Thought I'd Say

Chatting with my friend Chrissy this weekend I was talking about my treadmill and I told her that I'm up to 4.0 for my regular speed (I'd started at a 2.0).  I told her that my new habit was listening to 80's music on FIOS TV while treading and that if I loved the song I would walk and if I really didn't like the song, I'd jog for the entire thing. Then I said "I wish I could sustain the jogging for longer than that because it feels like my body would prefer to jog than to walk."

I stopped talking and started laughing. "My body would prefer to jog than walk?" Seriously? Did I say that? Yes, yes I did.

And if I give it a little thought, there are lots of things I never thought I'd say or that I've never said before that are coming into my world based on this new lifestyle. Here's a partial list:

1. My body would prefer to jog than to walk.
2. Let's go for a bike ride! Or...
3. Let's throw the bikes on the rack and head to....(wherever.)
4. No sour cream and butter on the potato, please.  (I now love baked potatoes with salsa!)
5. While talking to a girlfriend on the phone:  "Let me hit the treadmill while we're talking rather than just sitting on my butt."
6. I need to get new shoes because all my shoes are TOO BIG! (and that's a fact!)
7. I can't wait for the class reunion in 2013!  (mwaaaaahahahahahahaha)
8. I don't want to eat it if it has no nutritional value for my body. (That's my real mantra now)
9. I'm out of vegetables again!  (lol I have to go buy them every 3rd day!)
10. I can see definition in my abs!

It's amazing how different my days are now than last year.

For instance, I now walk on the treadmill while watching movies. If I'm going to watch a movie, I don't want to waste the time just sitting there.

Seriously, has there been an invasion of the body snatchers in my home?

When I'm done working for the day I can't wait to pick my son up from daycare and get on our bikes if it's a nice day. There's a lot of places to go and besides, I really need to practice riding no-handed so I can take those turns better!  :-)

Here's a couple of other things that are jaw-dropping coming out of my mouth:

• I will never date a smoker.  No way.
• I won't date someone who isn't interested in physical fitness or being active.  He will need to enjoy walking, hiking, biking, swimming, running, tennis, softball, hitting the gym ---- some type or types of regular exercise.

Really. It's that important to me and I don't want to lose what is happening here. I want the opposite. I want to keep moving forward and be challenged to do more!

If this IS an invasion of the body snatchers, I don't want the old me back. I'm really digging this one!

♥♥♥

Shopping At A Barn: NSV

Shopping at a barn?  Yep.....Dress Barn!

I used to shop at Dress Barn years ago and loved it.  In fact, I still have a couple of items in my closet that just never wore out from DB - it's just a good quality, yet affordable, place to shop - from juniors through women's - including petites and plus.  However, I grew so large I couldn't fit into their plus size clothes any longer.

This weekend I was passing Dress Barn and decided to pop in and give it a try.  Everything I tried on fit!  Which is a good thing considering my pants in my closet literally slide off of me!  I bought two blouses and two pairs of pants for work.  I may wear the same two pairs of pants and two skirts I own over and over for weeks until I go down another size, and that's OKAY.  I'm not going to spend a lot on a temporary wardrobe!  I'm so so happy I could shop there!

I'd like to give a shout out to the two ladies I met who worked there.  Super nice women....and I'll surely be seeing you again when I drop another size!  Let's hope that's sooner than later!

♥♥♥

p.s. NSV = Non Scale Victory.  As the days go on, I realize more and more it's not really about the number on the scale as much as it is about living daily life...and those non scale victories are become way more fun and motivating to me than the numbers!!!

50+ Pounds GONE!

I have now officially passed the 50 pound mark.  I have been waiting patiently (hehe, me? riiiiiiiiiiight) all week, knowing it was coming.  For a couple of days I was at 49.8 lbs. lost and I didn't want to celebrate until I really got there.  This morning I hit 51.8!!!

So how much IS 52 pounds?  Well, I'll tell you.  There are 4 sticks of butter (that's fat, right?) in ONE pound.  So to make 52 pounds, you would need 208 sticks of butter.

THAT is how much fat has melted off my body!  It's no wonder I am feeling so much better just doing daily things like walking, bending, etc.  Another way to look at it is I no longer have to carry around FIVE 10 lb. bags of potatoes everywhere I go -  all day, every day.  Not five of the little 5 pounders, but the big ones!

 I bet if you carried those around you'd get a little tired, too!  Now I'm thinking it's a wonder I've done all I've done these last few years.  Seriously.  I am just ecstatic.  This was one milestone I have been looking forward to for some time now.

However, a more important goal is 25 more pounds from now.  That's very significant for me and I'll tell you why when I reach it!

I have to remember to just keep making today's next right choices - this next meal - today's exercise, etc.  If I take care of today, the results will happen exactly as they are supposed to and I won't worry about how long that takes.  I am feeling different these days:  better, stronger, healthier, sexier, (yeah I said that), more confident, and better able to handle the stresses (and believe me, there are many) in my life.  All because of a few choices here and there that are adding up to a new way of life.

That's pretty freaking cool.

♥♥♥

Quick Update

All is well.  My food choices still rock.  I'm exercising most days - still doing weight training 3 x's per week and cardio (treadmill/walking outstide) 3 times per week. 

I'm down 48.8 pounds!  I'm 1.2 pounds away from 50!  That's going to be a fun celebration!

I have some pretty hefty priorities this week that make it impossible to keep up with the blog....just wanted to check in and let you know I'm still on track....and thanks for the emails from those who asked if everything was okay.  :-)  It is, I just don't have the time to post for a few days. 

See You Soon!!!

Carly

Dust If You Must

I am overwhelmed with what must be done today....for work, for my home, etc.  I'll do what I can, but I am thinking about this poem I read not that long ago and it brings me a little smile.  Hope you like it, too....

Dust if You Must

~author unknown~

Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be better
To paint a picture, or write a letter,
Bake a cake, or plant a seed;
Ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there's not much time,
With rivers to swim, and mountains to climb;
Music to hear, and books to read;
Friends to cherish, and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world's out there
With the sun in your eyes, and the wind in your hair;
A flutter of snow, a shower of rain,
This day will not come around again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,
Old age will come and it's not kind.
And when you go (and go you must)
You, yourself, will make more dust.

Remember, a house becomes a home when you can write
"I love you" on the furniture.....

I need to get more organized and also get off this freaking computer and do a lot more of those things in the poem.  Paint a picture.  Write a real letter, in ink (not on a keyboard.)  Plant stuff.  Go hiking.  Spend time with people.  Life keeps racing by and I'm here, writing about it, wondering about it.  I get a little panicky about that sometimes.

I don't care so much about the dusting.

I do care about having so much of life spent in 2D (two dimensions) and wondering if that life is really going to matter.  I almost don't think so.  Which will be more important -- that I wrote something inspirational in bits and bytes out here in the ether, or that I hugged someone deeply, from the heart?

Too deep for today...lots (too much) to do and not enough time to do it.  And certainly not enough time to philosophize. Tomorrow's coming way too fast.

If there's something you want to do and it involves being with someone you love, don't put it off.  Forget the dust.  Just go do it.

♥♥♥

Labels

Who am I?  How am I defined?  How do you see me?  How do *I* see me?

What are the LABELS that have been used to describe me over the years?  Are there labels you are currently "wearing?"   What labels have you applied to yourself?

Fat? Chubby?  BBW?  Athletic?  Toned?  Active?  Couch Potato?  Woman?  Lady?  Mother?  Daughter?  Sister?  Friend?  Christian?  Employee?  Writer?  Goofball?  Whackjob?  Lazy?  Ambitious?  Intelligent?  Cool?  

My friend Ray wrote this a couple of weeks ago and I kept it.  It really, really hit home:

"I'm all for labeling yourself however you wish..my own experiences,past and present, have given me the realization that no matter how I choose to identify myself, ultimately, for me, its one's character that counts, not their category." ~Ray Schiel

I have spent my life being a "BBW."  In fact, in my high school yearbook under "Highest Aim" I wrote "Never having to buy Chubby Chic pantyhose again."  I've been labeling myself as "fat" for as long as I can remember being alive.

I think of people I have known throughout my life and what kinds of labels I apply to THEM.  Words like Kind, Considerate, Sneaky, Hateful,, Hurtful, Warm, Loving, Fun, Friendly, Angry, Manipulative, Trustworthy ..... all come to mind.  When I think about people in my life, I just don't label them tall, thin, black, white, gay, pretty, ugly, fat, or any other physical label.


So why do I always think that's what people do to me?  Sure, some very shallow people may look at the exterior and draw all kinds of wrong conclusions about me.  But people of quality look past that and seek the character of the person inside the shell.  So as I continue on this path I don't want to lose sight of what matters most...my character...my next right choices for living well....for being the kind of person I want to be....and I want to just let the labels fall off along with the weight until I am just me.  Label-less and free.

♥♥♥

I'm Engaged!!!!!

This is NO April Fools Day joke!!!

I'm really getting engaged in my physical fitness regimen and loving every minute of it.  

teehee

Ok.  That was a little April Fools prank.  I have a wonderful budding relationship with Carly, and I'd like to explore that a bit more before bringing complications into the mix.  :-p  

My trainer came this morning and we did measurements.  I'm down inches everywhere.  Upper arms, thighs, waist, pelvis, bust.   Of course, that helped motivate me to push even harder during the workout.  I can crunch better, lunge deeper, and I can't believe how high I can lift myself off the mat using just the abs.  Hell, 3 months ago I wasn't even sure I HAD abs!

I'm working from home and have a LOT to do, so there's not a lot of time for posting.  Everyone have a terrific day and I'd like to add one more lil thing....

Today I celebrate 17 months of being smoke free.  That helps so much in being able to actually DO exercises and get oxygen out to the body parts that need it!  So a nod to quitnet.com and Chantix, as well as a whole lot of wonderful quit buds who kept me on the straight and narrow.    THANK YOU!!!!

~Carly