MIA Update

I'd like to apologize for being missing in action for so long.  I had been at a stand still for so long, and even though I have ideas rattling around in my brain all the time for my blog, I haven't felt like blogging.  In fact, I've almost dreaded it.

You see, I love to share the good stuff.  When I'm kicking butt, moving right along, making great headway in life it seems like life is so sun-shiney and good.that I can radiate rainbows from my derriere,   Who wouldn't want to share all that energy and positivity?

On the other hand, when I'm being what I deem "mediocre", I slip silently away hoping to not be seen or heard, wanting to fade into the woodwork.  I do not like BEING blah, so I really don't like TALKING about being blah.  Still, BLAH is a part of the human condition and I need to share the whole process, not just the bits and pieces that make me look best. :)

For now, I'll post a couple of new before/after pics.  I have been back on track for a little while now and am just about the same weight I was in June.  I consider that a victory considering in the past I'd gain back everything I lost and then some.  This time it's different.  This time nothing is going to keep me from living the life I can have - being healthy, fit, and happy.

I have a lot to say...about personal trainers, about making worthy realistic goals, and next right choices.

Blogging is a next right choice, even if it seems like a chore lately. What it does is keep me accountable, and for some reason, people like me...we need that. :-)

Grocery Tip #3

My local neighborhood grocery store went out of business on the 4th of July and I have been trying different stores trying to find my new "home" store.  I went to two different Shoppers Food Warehouses, an International store down the road, a Food Lion and a Safeway.  None felt like "home.

I went recently to Giant Foods, however, and was pretty blown away. The first thing of note was that hey have an optional hand-carried scanner that can you can take with you in the grocery store.  You grab some bags, your "wand" and head out.

As you find things you want, you scan them into the device and then put them in your grocery bag.  If you have produce or salad bar, there are scales everywhere.  You press a button to indicate which item you are buying and it prints out a label with bar code which you can scan and then stick on the item.  So entirely cool!

Down side:  It can be a little cumbersome and it can feel a little time consuming as you weigh produce or scan and bag as you go.

Up side: Because you are really taking your time and thinking about each purchase, you are really considering if you want the item or not.  Also, you get a running total as you go, which makes you completely aware of how it's adding up.  Best part?  Sail right through the check-out (self checkout) because you just point your scanner at a barcode, it reads the info from your handheld device, you pay and leave.  The scanning and bagging's already done!  Love it.

I ordinarily spend over $200 at the grocery store.  (I know - that sounds so bad but healthy isn't cheap!!!)  But at Giant I spent only $129 and got most of what I needed, without a bunch of stuff I didn't need!  If you haven't tried it, I highly recommend it.

Giant Foods had a great variety of everything I was looking for.  There were a lot of organics mixed in with everything else as well as an entire long natural, whole foods and/or organic aisle.  I was pretty impressed.

They also have the peapod service where you can order online and get the groceries delivered right to your door.  I've done that in the past - their produce was always very fresh and good (compared to Safeway delivery.  I swear Safeway hand picked everything that was about to go bad or that the public wouldn't buy and stuffed it into the delivery orders.  Ack!)

So if I was rating with a star system, 1 star being "bad" and 5 stars being "great," Giant would get 4.5 stars from me.  It's VERY consumer-friendly, affordable (wait, there are no groceries that are affordable these days), good quality and the store was impeccably clean.  Yay Giant!

A Chill Is In The Air

Winter is an etching, spring a watercolor, summer an oil painting and autumn a mosaic of them all.  
                                                              ~Stanley Horowitz


This is the first day that really feels like autumn. I LOVE IT. It's 58 degrees and there is a dry, crisp feel in the air. A perfect day for snuggling up with a soft blanket and a good book or movie. Too bad I've been working all day! But the season is young and I've got big plans for this fall!


I cooked chicken yesterday in the crock pot. It was SO good this time. Just onions on the bottom, chicken stuffed with a halved lemon, no additional liquid, and roasting on low for 5-6 hours. Mmmmmm fall off the bone goodness. There was quite a bit left over.


This morning I decided to use the leftover chicken for soup. Too bad I didn't think of it yesterday before I threw out all that stock! Still, I've so seldom made soup I didn't even really know what to do. So I did what any self respecting slug would do and just made it up as I went along rather than Googling for a recipe. :-)

I put in just the leftover chicken, shredded, about 6 cups of organic chicken stock, a 16 oz. bag of frozen vegetables, two handfuls of tri-colored pasta twists and salt and pepper. It cooked for hours in the crock pot. The pasta fell apart but that only made it extra thick which I happened to like.


Mmmm, mmmm, good! (Wait, that's already taken. Shoot. How about "yum?")


I'm so proud of myself. I cook almost everything from scratch these days and it's healthy, mostly organic, and tastier than all the highly processed stuff. There was a time when I could barely get myself to the grocery store and most of the basket was precooked, frozen dinners, highly processed microwavable things.


I want to come back and blog a little about the process from there to here. It wasn't a direct line. It was definitely a zig-zagged line and it required fixing a lot of other things along the way. And of course, there's still much work to do on Project Carly. :-)


Enjoy your fall weekend! Back to work for me....with soup in the ready!


♥

Push up O'Clock

Yesterday I started back on the road to a fitter, healthier me.  The detour wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.  When I got on the scale, it was 254.  I thought it was going to be much higher. Whew.  Still, that set me back to mid-June before all my travels and vacations and that's a little sad.  I have to remember that any time I have derailed in the past, it set me back decades.  So this is most definitely progress.

The key components to my getting on track have to include:

• Eating healthy, whole, and whenever possible, organic foods
• Eating appropriate quantities of foods
• Reducing or eliminating processed foods
• Doing some form of aerobic workout (treadmill, biking, etc.)
• Doing some weight training
• Doing some toning exercises

My food is pretty much in check and I've gotten back into recording what I eat on my Weight Watchers tracker.  Accountability like that is important for someone like me who can delude herself rather easily.  I have not started the aerobics.  I keep having a panicky "I MUST do this" or "I HAVE to" feeling, which somehow paralyzes me.  I'll work through that, but in the meantime, at least some toning and resistance exercise is occurring.  

This exercise is in the form of "Push-up O'Clock."

At the top of every hour, all my coworkers and I get together and do just a couple minutes of some form of exercise, such as:

• As many push-ups as we can
• As many sit-ups as we can
• Push-ups against the wall
• Squats
• Lunges
• Crunches
• Anything else someone comes up with

We did this all day yesterday, and after just one little day I have somehow managed to make every part of my body a little bit sore.  I'm GLAD!  This actually feels good and is a reminder that I'm doing something good for my body.  Yay!

I'm going to continue the push-up o'clocks and enjoy the results (my shoulders will start to be sculpted again...doing various kinds of push-ups are awesome for the shoulders!)  

I may have to alter the schedule a little though.  Because 3:00 p.m. has been my choco'clock for months.  I grab a square or two of 72% or greater dark chocolate and a cup of coffee as my daily reward for all my healthy choices. And if I'm going to get back into the swing of things, I'm not willing to give up the rewards.  So after a moment of consideration, I have decided choco'clock will be at 3:30 pm.  Done and done.

Grab folks at your office and get them doing push-up o'clock with you!  I bet they'll love it and you'll get pretty quick rewards.  If you try it, let me know!!!

♥

Abandonment, Someday and Me.

I think we all have fears of abandonment to some degree.  We may have even experienced some form of abandonment:  a life partner leaving us, a parent passing away, having a best friend stop liking us and then fade into silence are all examples of abandonment and it's not a fun process to go through.

However, I think the worst type of abandonment I have ever had to deal with is when I have walked out on myself.  The times I have abandoned my own dreams, turned my back on my goals, and allowed myself to slip into the "someday" mentality.  You know what I'm talking about.  You're not fully alive and not fully embracing today because you're waiting for that elusive "someday" to arrive: 

• I'm going to lose weight someday.
• I'm going to work on my education someday.
• Someday I'd like to write a book.

There are also derivative variants of "someday," like:

• One of these days I'm going to start exercising again.
• After summer I'm going to start jogging again.
• Next month I want to......

They are all vague, impossible-to-pin-down times that aren't assigned an actual start date and therefore can keep getting pushed further and further away.

That's where my whole "makeover" went since June.  "After this trip" "After this vacation"  "After I deal with this funeral" "One of these days I'm going to get back on the plan."

Well, skaroo that.  I have "someday'ed" myself right up the scale.  I can't tell you how much I have gained, because I was putting off getting on the scale until 'someday' when I was back on track! 

This morning, I woke up with one thought screaming in my head:

• Today, I got up and made a fantastic green smoothie with spinach and greek yogurt and fresh fruits.
• Today, I have been doing "pushup o'clock" or "lunge oclock" all day at work.  Every hour, on the hour, I have been moving and squatting and lunging.  And I will continue to do that at the top of each hour...all day...today.
• Today, I am having a dark leafy green salad with salmon for lunch and if I get hungry later today, I am having some organic oatmeal with raisins.
• Today, when I get home, I am facing my fears and getting on the scale.  You can't fix what you don't acknowledge, right?
• And NO MATTER WHAT, today I am getting my arse back on that treadmill.

I'm not going to abandon myself, my dreams, my goals.  I matter.  I'm worth the effort.  This isn't a dress rehearsal.  We can't live in "someday" or even "tomorrow."  All we have is today, and I want to live it.

Who's with me?

♥

Fall Cleaning

It's September 2, 2011 and I have a confession.

I haven't worked out, at all, not even once, since about July 20th.  That's nearly 8 weeks.  Egads, that's bad!

My weight loss is at an absolute standstill.

I have started back "clean eating" again.  I'm tracking everything I eat on Weight Watcher's online tracking tool, I'm making sure I eat plenty of dark leafy green veggies.  I'm going super low on the grains and minding my portions.  After just a few days back on my game, I can feel a noticable difference.  My son could tell you I'm less of a bee-otch also.  That's a fact.

But.....

I have to start moving again.  I hopped up on the treadmill just to get reacquainted with it and work my way back.  I didn't actually use the treadmill.  I just stood on it barefooted and kind of groped at the buttons and handles and such.  It felt like a start.  I keep saying "if I could only just do 10 minutes today, I'd be happy" or "I'm going to do 10 minutes today, no matter what."  And then.....I do not do it.

In fairness to me (it's my blog, I get to be fair to me!) we're in the midst of all-new schedules and adjusting to that.  I used to get up at 5, eat protein, drink coffee, wake up, do laundry if I needed it that day, then start exercising at 5:45 until 7 am.  Then I'd shower, get ready for work, drop my son off at elementary school by 8:30 and head to my work.

Now?  He gets dropped off at 6:55 a.m. at the latest for middle school.  I have lost a full 90 minutes of my morning!  AND I'm taking a college class that requires 2 to 3 hours per day of reading/participating online, etc.  Frankly, I'm drowning under the weight of things at the moment.

Ironically, I know that if I start exercising regularly, I will have more energy and clarity for dealing with everything.  Such a catch 22.  But as I discovered with the eating...I can come back around and psychoanalyze the "whys" later.  For now, I just need to take action and do it.  I'll report back as a comment on this post when I actually get up on that treadmill and walk!

Why Water The Weeds?

It doesn't take an expert gardener to realize that my garden is just a wee bit overgrown and could use some major weeding.

I've been gone most of the summer and with what little time resources I have, I've been doing other trivial things - like paying bills, cooking, cleaning, school shopping, working, etc. I don't feel terribly badly about it, but looking at the flower beds, something kind of profound hit me.

All summer the sprinkler was set to water everything in the back all at once.  It was the easiest way to make sure everything got wet.  And of course, "everything" included the weeds.  Look at 'em.  They're thriving as they choke out my flowers.  Heck you can barely even see the flowers as the weeds are totally taking over.

And as I looked at how the weeds were thriving, it occurred to me:  Don't Water The Weeds!

What grows?  That which you invest your time in, pay attention to, nurture, and nourish.  Hmmmm.

I have limited time, money, energy and stamina.  I need to focus my limited resources where they are going to make the best possible impact in my life, and in my son's life.  I need to take a look at where I am putting my time, money and energy.  Am I mindlessly "watering the weeds?"  Heck yeah!

I'm not saying that every minute of every day needs to be spent on task, working toward a specific goal.  But I can demonstrate whole days that blew by me whilst Googling and learning all about interesting yet  useless information, or flinging angry birds across the screen, or hitting refresh 100 times to see if someone responded to my fascinating facebook post.  In other words, I have been, at times, watering the weeds.

The same can be said of relationships.  Am I watering and feeding the healthy ones?  I'm not sure that I am.  I know for certain I have invested some of my limited time and resources on relationships that do not add to my life, do not nourish me, and do not bring me closer to peace, happiness or a better place.  And instead of letting them go, I think that by adding enough water they'll stop being weeds and turn into flowers.  I'm not a botanist, but I don't think it scientifically works that way.

Well, moving forward, I want to be more aware of how I am spending my time, my finances, my energy and my heart.  I want to do a little more weeding and make better choices in my Life's Garden. I want to kind of map it out.  See what I have, what I should take care of, what I need to weed out, and become more aware of how I'm spending my resources.  That leads right into planning and goal setting, which I will save for another day.  For today, I'm going to just be mindful of how I am spending my time and money, because you can't fix what you don't acknowledge and you can't acknowledge what you don't even allow yourself to see!

And what I see is the makings of a beautiful garden, if I pay attention to what I'm doing!  :-)

Behind The Scenes

"People seldom see the halting and painful steps by which the most insignificant success is achieved."

     ~Anne Sullivan


Not that long ago, a reader sent me an email letting me know I was inspiring him in a couple of areas.  (Thank you for that feedback - I really do love hearing that!)  After a couple of exchanges, the person seemed shocked to learn that I work full time and have a 45 minute commute each way.  His comment was something like "whoa - you do all this - write the blog, work out, take care of a son, run the household, pay the bills, take care of the house, etc. AND you work a full time job?  Seriously?  I had NO idea!"  He went on to say he was even more impressed.

The whole exchange really got me thinking.

What DO people know about me?  What DO they see?  What about the folks who knew me in high school but skipped over the whole adult years until recently?  What about those who saw me walk through some pretty torturous periods in my life - the "all time low" times?  What do THEY see when they look at me, my progress, my journey?

I know for certain there are some people who look my way and think "well, easy for HER.  She's got it together and has the kind of personality that is organized enough to do all of that."  What they don't see is what it took to get this far, and the sometimes halting, debilitating, painful steps I still sometimes need to take to get to the next leg of the journey.  And believe me, there are many of THOSE steps!

I really want to come back around to this topic over the next couple of weeks.  But for right now, I'm in the middle of climbing out of one of those painful, halting, debilitating places and have to focus on just the basics:  Food, shelter, job.  What are the minimum requirements moving forward immediately to get me to higher ground?

1. What I eat must be "clean" and nutritious.  I have been eating so much junk and you really ARE what you eat.  I have felt horrid, depressed and unable to make good "next right" choices.  So I have to commit to eating choices that I know will offer nutrients, vitamins, energy and a positive impact on me.  So far today, so good. 
2. I have to get moving.  Even if I just commit to 10 minutes on the treadmill, I will feel better instantly.  I know this.  Yet I have resisted since I got back from all my travels.  I can't ignore this anymore.  Just 10 minutes between now and bedtime tonight.  No matter what.
3. If 1 and 2 above are in place, I will have much more clarity to focus on the rest of the "musts."  I have many "musts" that have to be taken care of:  Of course, my job must stay a priority.  I am also enrolled in college and the classes aren't going to care the this whole hurricane business derailed me or debilitated me.  They are going to care that my homework is done and I am participating.  So this is a MUST, no matter what.  And the whole mothering, cooking, carpooling, pta stuff looms overhead.  I'll just need to look each night at what MUST be done the next day, keep it simple, make a list, do it, and keep moving.

I think I'm moving in the right direct again after a slight derailing.  At least my MIND is moving in the right direction today.  I really do believe that if I do #1 and #2 above well, the rest of me will follow quite aptly again.  It's all related.  And it starts with recommitting to the belief that I'm worth the effort.


I want people reading this to see, and to know, that not all the steps are easy.  Not all the choices are easy.  walking the walk is infinitely harder than talking the talk.  Life knocks me over.  Dealing with the hurricane on the heels of a whirlwind of travel and being out of my routines knocked me on my butt.

I read a quote today (don't know who to attribute it to) that speaks to this whole blog today:

"Circumstances don't make you, they reveal you. How you respond to the life God offers you is what makes you."

 It all comes down to choices.  I'd like to choose wisely. If I eat healthy and exercise, I seem to make MUCH wiser choices.

The Aftermath (Hurricane Irene)

Warning:  This might end up being a really long blog entry as I feel like I'm working through many mixed feelings.

Like the entire east coast of the US, I just experienced hurricane Irene - the warnings leading up to the storm, the advance preparation, the storm itself and the 'aftermath.'    I can't go in to work today as our phones are out and we're teleworking.  And I'm finding myself having a strong delayed reaction to the past several days.

To help organize my thoughts, I'm going to break them into 3 sections:

• The Storm
• The Background
• The Aftermath

The Storm

Hurricane Irene rolling in Friday night at mi casa

I spent a lot of time before the storm hit researching about it.  I googled and found the Maryland emergency management site.  I watched the Weather Channel 24/7.  All reports showed that the storm of our lifetime was coming.  Maryland Emergency Management stated that everyone east of Frederick, MD should put plywood on their windows, and do all the other preparations.

I am a single mom with my nearest relatives several states away.  That makes me solely responsible for the welfare of me and my son, as well as my home.

Yes, I taped the windows.

I own a 1947 house with a roof that already leaks.  Ironically I had an appointment Saturday as Irene was rolling in to get a price on a new roof.  I have several large trees around the house.  I bought 14 gallons of water.  I had dry ice and block ice in the cooler anticipating the widespread power outages. I bought plenty of non perishable foods as well as fruits/veggies that are 'ready to eat.'  I made sure the propane tanks were turned off.  I bought rope and tied down the grill and patio furniture.  I taped all the windows.  I made sure we both had showers Saturday afternoon and then filled the tub with water in case it would be needed for flushing.  I made sure all the laundry was caught up.  I went to several stores in order to get D batteries (as they were sold out almost everywhere.)  I got an extra charge pack for charging a cell phone if the electricity went out.  I made sure all our electronics were charged.  And that candles and a lighter were nearby and easily accessible.  I had sleeping bags and a "go bag" ready in case a tree fell through the roof and we had to go quickly.

I don't remember everything  I did, but I spent two solid days getting ready.  I went to bed Saturday night, exhausted, knowing two things:  (1) The brunt of the storm was about to hit overnight and (2) I had done everything humanly possible - the outcome was out of my hands.

Two houses down from me.  That's gonna leave a mark.

The storm came and went.  My roof did not leak.  A big branch the size of a tree fell in my yard (no harm done at all).  There were big trees nearby that did fall (one on a poor guy's van).  Of course, there's widespread power outages in the area but our house was fine. Yesterday (Sunday) I spent the day cleaning up the yard and undoing a lot of the earlier prep (taking down the tape, etc.)

Whew.

The Background

Many of you don't know me, or didn't know me over the past few years. You didn't see where I started, what it took to get me to this point in my life.  I left a volatile, emotionally and verbally abusive marriage as a crushed human being in early 2005. I got a protective order in early 2006 as he continued to escalate despite the separation, and the divorce became final in May 2006.  During that time, the thought of simply going grocery shopping, coming home, putting the groceries away....that whole process....was at times overwhelming.  There were times when I'd have to break a task like cleaning the kitchen down into tiny baby steps in order to not feel overwhelmed and paralyzed.  Major clinical depression, a little post-traumatic stress and a whole lot of responsibility sometimes knocked me to my knees for days even weeks at a time.  Little things like just doing dishes or taking down the Christmas tree could derail me emotionally (really.)

Over the years, I have used the "baby steps" approach to tackling almost everything in my life - my career, my finances, my parenting, my housekeeping, my smoking, and my weight.  One little topic at a time I have been becoming stronger, more competent, more able to roll with life's punches and keep moving forward.

So when the whole hurricane warning thing came up, I was thankfully in a position to be able to deal with it alone without it overwhelming me or knocking me over,  I had the financial resources to buy what I needed.  I had the personal time available to take a day off and work on the preparations.  My house was already pretty clean/organized, so all my focus was on safety things.  My body and mind switched into "high alert" and I just did all that needed to be done (in my opinion....others felt I may have gone overboard on my preparations, but I would rather be prepared and not need it than the other way around) like "Rabbit" from Winnie the Pooh "Must keep the schedule, must keep working."

So Friday and Saturday was non-stop preparation. Sunday was assessing the aftermath, cleaning up the yard, and realizing we'd dodged quite a bullet here, followed by watching what was happening as the storm approached my friends and family from New Jersey to Maine.  (One cousin in Mass. had a tree fall on her house and electric wires on her car, my elderly parents were and still are without power in Maine and I was worried all night that they could get flooded, etc.)

The Aftermath

Today, I have been hit with overwhelming emotions from it all.  Maybe part of it is that the adrenaline that kept me going stopped being necessary and has drained away.  Maybe the intensity of watching The Weather Channel and following (with great stress) what was happening to my friends and relatives as the storm went up the coast has dissipated.   Maybe it's my overwhelming sense of isolation and "aloneness" in times like these that's hitting me.  Or just pure relief?  Or some combination of all of the above (most likely.)

Regardless, I have been out of control eating today. One minute I'm sad or angry about nothing in particular.  The unseen enemy?  Or frustrated to no reason - or alternately....feeling empty, too.  It's just a strange combination of ups and downs and it's ticking me off.

I have gotten into ridiculous amounts of carbs which no doubt are making me feel much worse.  I also have thought about going out and buying cigarettes!  Of course, I'm NOT going to do that (I'm on day 666 of my quit!).  But the thoughts did cross my mind.  It gets to me that when my emotions soar like this it's ME I feel like subconsiously destroying.  What's up with that?

Anyway, I'm fine.  I normally don't share days like today.  The thought of strangers reading this doesn't bother me at all.  I feel like I'm just showing the reality of my inner life.  The thought of my own mom reading this, or friends/relatives/coworkers makes me feel vulnerable and like putting put a big notice:  Please do NOT call me and ask if I'm okay or I'll scream!  

I don't ordinarily share ANYTHING when I'm in the midst of it.  I'm WAY more comfortable fixing it, getting over it, dealing with it, etc. and THEN talking about it in the past tense,  It's just how I roll.

Conclusion

I'm human.  Life isn't always easy.  No matter how positive and rah rah I get, sometimes life can just be hard and there are times that require a lot from us, and though we rise to the challenges, sometimes, we need a soft landing afterwards.  I don't really have that soft landing (I'm still here, still responsible, still have to figure out how to get the tree outta my back yard, still have to be the breadwinner etc.) and I want a soft landing dammit.  So I'm landing in soft carbs.

I need to have a better plan.  Like landing on a soft treadmill.  Which I haven't been on in 2 months.    Hmmmm.....next blog topic?  

Breezy Shorts

First, I want to say I am SO happy to be back on a schedule and routine.  I am making smoothies every day, eating good lunches, solid dinners, and am in control of the choices.  It feels good to be getting back into the swing of things after so much travel.

Before I left I had a pile of clothes in my spare room I needed to go through.  Things I wasn't sure if I should take on my trips, or that I wasn't even sure would still look good as I suspected they might be too big.

So I tried on a thing or two.

Holy Mackerel!  That's definitely a boost to the esteem and adds a bit 'o "recharge" to the whole process.  No, I'm not in it just for weight loss.  My main goal is longevity - getting healthy and staying that way.  Of course, one measure of that is attaining a healthy weight.  Even if the scale hasn't moved all that much this summer, seeing this sure was a shot in the arm!

I still have some more clothes left to clear out/donate, and I do look forward to it.  There's something uniquely strengthening in purging out the old to leave room for the new (physically and metaphorically.)

What a nice way to start the week!

Back To School

It's that time again....Back To School at the Carly house.  And I'm not just talking about my son!

This year my son is going to a new school - he's leaving elementary school behind and heading to middle school.  He auditioned for, and got accepted into, a special magnet school - a Performing and Visual Arts (PVA) school - and it starts tomorrow.  I'm so darned proud of him!

Getting him there is going to be a challenge.  It's public school, but because it's outside of our regular area the bus makes only centralized stops.  What that means for me is getting up and out by 6:45 a.m. to get him there on time.  (I'm used to leaving the house around 8:00 for elementary school.)

The other thing is that I am also going back to school.  I have been enrolled at University of Maryland (UMUC) for the past couple of years but have only taken the occasional class here and there.  I have decided it's time to stop playing around and finally get my bachelors degree.  So Biology 103 starts tomorrow.  The syllabus says to plan to devote about 20 hours per week to this class.  Ouch.  Who has 20 hours to spare?  Well, I don't, but I'm going to have to find 'em somewhere.

What this means is I need a solid game plan,  I do not want a reason to derail my progress.  Remember, I want to make this all fail proof!  So I need to think in terms of "How can I ensure success?" rather than "How can I survive this?"  Big difference in outlook and outcome, methinks.

So in planning, there's a lot to consider.  I'm a single, working mom.  I have to factor in a 45 minute commute each way, about an hour per day of exercise, about 2.5 hours per day of homework/reading, some cooking time, some eating time, some shopping/errands/housework time, and of course, some quality time with my son.  Hmm.

Here's the initial plan:  Make lists and post them prominently where both my son and I can see them.  Make sure we have the "as soon as you get home" list of things to accomplish at the end of the work/school day, (prepping food, cooking dinner, doing homework, etc) the "before you go to bed" list of things that must be done (get clothes ready, pack the next day's lunch, son take shower, Carly blog etc.) and the "as soon as you get up" lists (get in some exercise, mom take shower, etc., bring lunch,bring son to school) etc.

It's going to be hairy, and I'm totally going to need to rely on my son to step up and take some responsibility for himself.  I've kind of spoiled him (sort of) in that I haven't required him to do that much around the house.  Well, we're a team and my side of the team is getting a heck of a lot busier and so he'll need to pitch in more. Frankly, I think this is a good thing.

A really encouraging thing is that he is looking forward to, and planning for, a healthier lifestyle this upcoming school year.  He wants to get more fit.  He wants to exercise more and eat better.  He's TOTALLY into the smoothies   We made one yesterday with radishes, cucumbers, spinach, kale, parsley, coconut oil, bananas and strawberries and he loved it!

I think I started making these changes (quitting smoking, eating healthier, exercising) just in the nick of time.  I think much of this is going to be incorporated into what my son just does naturally as he gets older (he's 11 right now.)  I am so thankful for the friends and family who helped me get to this point.  You have no idea what a train wreck I was just a few years ago.  And here I am now with weight goals, health goals, work goals, school goals and a son who's chomping at the bit to try out this new, advanced curriculum at his new school while also getting more fit.  Incredible.

I think I can work it all out.  It might take a little 'growing pains' to figure it all out and work out schedules, etc., but anything's possible if you don't give up!  Whew!  Wish me luck!

xoxox
Carly

Rudeness in the Air

I did a good bit of traveling this summer. On one of the flights, I was mortified at the rudeness of a Southwest Airlines flight attendant toward a gentleman trying to board the flight.

He was just walking slowly down the aisle, as was everyone else in the line, kind of looking to the left and looking to the right to find a seat that he might like. (Southwest doesn't allow to you pick seats in advance - it's more a first come, first served kind of system.)

The man was clearly very overweight.

As he was slowly passing by the exit rows on his way toward the back of the plane, the flight attended abruptly and loudly said, "Do you need an extension for your seatbelt sir?"

He responded quietly "Yes, probably."

To which she (again, loudly) said, "Then you may NOT sit in an exit row."

He responded rather upset: "Who suggested that I sit there? Certainly not me."

This whole exchange was loud and in front of all the folks on the plane. I was so upset! What an ignorant woman, And I felt the guy's pain, truly. I mean, he already knows he's large and just the fact of needing a seat belt extension is enough to make one feel badly, but must we loudly humiliate overweight people like that?

I felt really powerless, too. I wanted to come to his side and tell the woman what an ignoramus she was, but sadly that would have just brought more attention to the situation when the man probably just wanted to invisibly slide into obscurity.

Ugh.

I truly don't think people realize just how OPENLY rude a huge part of society is toward overweight people and how totally ACCEPTED it is as being "okay." The comments I have received over my lifetime by otherwise "nice" people would shock you. The very real discrimination would surprise you. And the open, in your face jokes about fat people are a daily thing. But if you're not tuned in to that station you don't even notice the sound waves. And the majority of people aren't tuned in.

Heck, even family members who truly love me have spent a lifetime making fat jokes, like it's cute, warm, funny and a way to somehow make everyone feel more comfortable with my size. Hard to explain.

I was so glad to fit in the seat easily myself, not need an extension, and actually had to pull the seat belt to tighten it like a normal person. But I didn't take it for granted, I celebrated it, I kept watching the sides of the seat to see if I would "spill over" into the other person's seat (I didn't) and was painfully aware of what flying has generally meant for all these years. Even as I lose the weight, I still think like a morbidly obese person. I wonder if that will stop when I reach my goal?

As to the woman at Southwest Airlines, she needs to get out of the customer relations business until she takes some serious sensitivity training and gets an education about discretion. And there are people like her everywhere you turn. Please, don't be one of them. :-)

Never Sausage A Selection!

Yesterday I got the neatest package delivered to me - a little cooler with an ice pack and an assortment of Al Fresco chicken sausages!

It seems the "Al Fresco" people saw my blog in April where I reviewed their Sweet Apple Sausages (here's the  LINK (lol like the pun?)

Anyway, a few weeks ago they contacted me to see if I'd be interested in trying some of their other products. How cool is that?  So now I have some buffalo sausages and sweet italian style sausages to try.  I'm actually looking forward to the italian style.  Maybe I'll fry them up and add them to spaghetti sauce this weekend.

I feel like a celebrity, my first payment made in SAUSAGE!  I'll have to frame one! Or not.  But I will let you know how they taste.  Next time I think I should review BMW's.  teehee

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In other news, I have eaten super "cleanly" since returning from vacation.  And it's amazing.  I can REALLY tell the difference in how I feel, how I speak, how I act.  I'm happier and more energetic.  I feel healthier that quickly...just a couple of days into better eating and it makes all the difference.

Now if I could just hoist myself up onto the treadmill and get MOVING again!  That's my goal for this week:  Get back into a routine of MOTION.  Even if I start with just 10 minutes with free weights and 10 minutes on the treadmill...I must do it!

I wonder why it's so hard to get busy doing something that I love doing for myself?  Seriously.

All Juiced Up!

I posted a few months ago that I'd rather eat my calories than smoosh 'em all up into a smoothie or juice and drink them.  I have since totally changed my mind.

First, there is an AMAZING health-related website:  MERCOLA.COM that discusses food, nutrition, exercise, etc.  Dr. Mercola researches this constantly and stays abreast of changing news, scientific data, etc.  He's quite a "holistic" approach kind of guy and although he is certainly an entrepreneur (sells some vitamin products etc.), he is really more about spreading the word about health and nutrition.  If you sign up for his newsletter and site access he does NOT spam you.

Anyway, he's a big proponent of juicing.  I'm more in the camp of smoothies.  Dr. Mercola extracts all the liquids and drinks them (leaving out the fiber from the veggies and fruits) and then eats what's left separately (ick) because the body digests it better that way.  I'm more into the quick and easy method:  Toss it all into the blender and call it a day.

So I researched and while the Vitamix and HealthMaster type blenders look amazing, they are also upwards of $300.  Instead I found a "NINJA" at Walmart for $79.00 (maybe it was $89.00 can't quite remember.)  This blender ROCKS!

My green smoothies so far consist of:

• Spinach (2 cups)
• Kale (2 leaves),
• Parsley (a few sprigs - fresh)
• Strawberries (3 large)
• Blueberries (1/2 cup)
• Banana (whole)
• Coconut Oil (1 tbsp.)
• Water to suit...about 1 cup

Believe it or not the sweetness from the fruit takes the edge off the bitter dark greens and it's pretty enjoyable.

Last night I bought lots more veggies and some more fruit to try changing it up: pineapple, mango, peaches, celery, radishes and collard greens.  These are all things I almost never eat, but which offer their own health benefits.  So if I can toss 'em in, eat 'em raw and get the benefit...WHY NOT?

I can't believe how I did such a 180 degree turn on this.  I tried a green smoothie at a friend's house while traveling and was surprised mostly by how EASY it was to do.  THAT was probably my biggest reason for not doing it before.

I had a fancy smoothie maker with a spout etc.  The thing was a pain to use and a bigger pain to disassemble and clean.  The vitamix 5000 model my friend had was just one unit.  Toss everything in and when you're done, rinse it out, blend some hot water and dishsoap, rinse again and done.  SO EASY!

The NINJA that I bought is the same way, you only remove the blade from the top and the container, blade and lid are even dishwasher safe.

I'm sold.  I'll talk more about the coconut oil in another blog (google it..it's fantastic!!!) but for today, I'll just leave with this thought:  If you aren't getting the recommended servings of veggies each day, this is an easy and totally healthy way to even drink them on the run.

And if you're doing weight watchers, it's 100% point free (except for the coconut oil, but I personally won't sacrifice that!)

Chat with y'all tomorrow....I'm off to make my smoothie and take it on the commute to work!  

On this day in 2010

August 2010 Massachusetts vacation 320 lbs.

On this day in 2010 I posted the following on Facebook right after my summer vacation:

"thinks it's time to get back on a healthy eating plan. After 9 1/2 months of "post-quitting smoking" eating, I realize if hunger isn't the problem, eating isn't the solutiion. Vacation is over - and I'm out of excuses. :-)" 

I weighed 320 at the time.

One year later, I am down 72 pounds, to 248, two days after this year's summer vacation to the same vacation spot.

I have been lax for the past couple of weeks.  Not posting on the blog, not exercising at all, and eating ridiculously bad choices.  While on vacation at the lake I actually ate Little Debbie's snack cakes for pete's sake.  It can't possibly get worse than that!

August 2011 Massachusetts vacation: 248 lbs.

Well, in 2011, upon returning from vacation, I can say...

I think it's time to get back on a healthy eating plan. After2 1/2 months of  mega travel and being out of my regular routine, it's time to get back on track.. Vacation is over - and I'm out of excuses.
:-) 

It's time to get blogging, get moving, and get on track.  I have lots to share and a lot has happened these past couple of months....time to kick this healthy living into high gear!  I have a lot planned for my fall and I'm going to need all the energy, focus and positive attitude I can muster, so here we go!!!!!


I'm already back on track and amazingly, I thought I'd gained 6 pounds during my vacation and after only two days back I'm back to my pre-travel weight.  I suspect a lot of the gain was water from the tons of sodium I consumed (that i'm not used to!)

I'm back, I'm blogging, and I have lots of new goals.  See you tomorrow!!!

Bolthouse Farms Vinaigrette: Review

I have found my new best dressing!  It's Bolhouse Farms Extra Virgin Olive Oil Raspberry Merlot Vinaigrette.  This stuff is fabulous!

It has a nice fairly rich flavor, it's not "diet" and there are no artificial sweeteners.  In fact, they use apple juice and sugar to sweeten it.  And it uses real olive oil as well as flaxseed oil, so the Omega-3 is high.

It's a downright health food!

And coming in at only 30 calories for 2 tablespoons...we have us a winner!

So my recommendation:  4.5 stars out of 5.  Yum.

Now on the subject of salads....I want to speak to the fact that you HAVE to eat in order to lose weight.  I am learning that you just can't skip meals, and that regardless of what time of day, your body needs those dark leafy greens and crunchy veggies.

Last night I was tired (worked very late) and had a lot of packing to do and didn't feel like eating.  But I made myself by grabbing a handful of baby spinach, tossing on some feta, and some of this dressing.  My body was happy and it occurred to me:  With all the travel I've been doing, there have been two constants.  I have been drinking Emergen-C daily, and eating my dark leafies daily.  And despite being on planes and stuck in rooms with coughing sneezing people, I haven't been sick, tired, run down or otherwise not feeling well,  Cause and effect?  I think so.

So here's to getting those veggies and here's to getting them with tasty low cal dressing on top!

Rejection

I can handle so many emotions these days that I couldn't handle just a few short years ago.  I can handle disappointment, loss, sadness.  I navigate through the waters of loneliness, restlessness, and boredom.  But one emotion I just cannot seem to conquer is rejection.

Mind you, no one likes rejection, I'm pretty sure.  But I take it so much to heart.  It triggers those feelings of "I'm not good enough" or "pretty enough" or "thin enough" or "funny enough" or "talented enough" or "smart enough" (depending on who's doing the rejecting and in which context.

I'd love to get to the point where I'm just so confident in myself that when someone walks away from me, I don't take it as a personal rejection and instead see it as an indication of where that person is in his or her life. And to smile and just let it go,  I'm not there yet.

I have a friend who occasionally seems to ignore me.  I have resisted urges to contact the person and pester.  Hey, if someone isn't interested in my friendship, I'm not going to chase like a puppy chasing after a car.  At least I've grown that much.  But what's interesting is that since the perceived 'ignoring' started, it has triggered all kinds of self esteem issues in me.

I walk past a mirror and find what I see repulsive.  All I can see is how much fat I have yet to lose, whereas just days ago I was feeling so confident in how much I've already lost and what I was seeing was my muscle definition and progress.  It's seeping into other areas of my life, too.  I just finished a kick-butt job for a customer with total pride in my work, and although I was on an esteem high from it, I'm already deflated and kind of wondering......is this all there is?

Hard to articulate, really.

What I do know is that I am going to face a lifetime of occasional rejection.  That's just part of being human.  I need to figure out how to block it from reaching those parts of me that are so tender and vulnerable.  I need to find a way to make it not about me...but rather, about the person doing the rejecting.  I'm not sure how to get there, but it seems like making good, solid next right choices boosts my esteem to higher levels from which to fight these feelings.

I'll add that my eating has been sloppy for two days now. That HAS to contibute to these blah feelings and "less than" feelings.  Must. get. a. grip.

At least I can see these things and kind of head 'em off before they derail me.  I still have part of me on the track.  Which reminds me of a cool quote I heard years ago but that a friend (KK) posted on facebook today:

"Even if you're on the right track, you're going to get run over if you just sit there."

And therein lies the solution to my emotional problems today.

Plateau Must Go

Lookout Mountain, Denver Colorado June 30, 2011

I just got back from 3 solid weeks of travel and am heading out for another good bit of travel in a few days.  During my travels I did a pretty good job of regulating my intake of food and hopping on the hotel treadmill fairly regularly.

So I was disappointed to see the scale hasn't moved in those three weeks!  I think I have hit my first plateau on this weight loss journey.  I was seriously hoping to have lost around 5 pounds, so the fact that I basically lost none was a let down.

A little examination of the past weeks reveals that I really didn't do any weight training.  There were maybe two days that I spent a half hour to an hour with some free weights and crunches, but nowhere near the intensity I have been doing all year,  And if you don't do weight training, your metabolism slows down.  And if your metabolism slows down, you don't burn calories as fast.  And if you don't burn calories as fast, you can eat the same amount as always and not burn off the calories the same way.  Hence, the plateau.  It all makes mathematical and scientific sense.

I can still whine though.  So waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa call the waaaaaaaaaambulance.  There, got that out of my system.

I'm truly grateful I didn't GAIN weight during all this travel.  Though I had some measure of control over my food, the past week I was working from 7 am to 9 pm and our hosts fed us (which was appreciated) but the choices weren't always so good.  Plus they brought in baked goodies all day long.  Fresh hot bagels and muffins.  It's a wonder I resisted all but the last day we were there.  And on Friday I think I ate one of everything they had:  danish, bagel, peach muffin....that's what happens when I unleash the inner junkie.

Moving forward there are a few important things I need to really take away from this past month:

1. It's okay to take an occasional side trip on my journey.  That's why this is a lifestyle change and not a diet.  And speaking of side trips, that photo is from my recent Denver trip.  What a beautiful place!
2. You reap what you sow.  When I do both cardio AND weight, I have steady results.  Drop one or both of them and I flatline.  So to speak.
3. Setting actual numerical weight loss goals can be a positive or a negative.  I can say I'd like to lose 5 pounds in 3 weeks, but if I take a detour I can't bludgeon myself with it.  The numbers are steadily moving and a 3 week plateau, in the scheme of my lifetime, is really okay.

So what am I going to do differently moving forward?  Actually, nothing!  I'm going to get back on the schedule that was working so great for me...weights 3 times per week and treadmill anywhere from 2 to 4 times per week.  I just feel good when I do that, and I get results.

It was nice taking a little hiatus, but sorry, Plateau.  You've just got to go now.  :-)

ProcrastinEating

I am done my regular course (YAY!!!!) and all that's left are some guest speaker things.  Life is GOOD.

So I'm waiting tonight to meet some friends.  They're not going to be here for another half hour or so, and what I really should do is start packing up some things so that I can ship stuff back home and so that come 4:30 Friday morning I won't have to scramble (yeah, talk about an early flight!)

Anyway, I keep looking around feeling like I "should" pack a little and instead I keep grazing on over to the "skinny popcorn" bag and grabbing a handful.  There's a name for this behavior.  ProcrastinEating!

According to the Urban Dictionary (ha..the authority for made up words!):


ProcrastinEating:


(v) The consumption of food undertaken to avoid a dull or arduous task, irrespective of hunger levels or the time of day.


(ex. 1) Mark: Man, this History paper's taking me forever...I could go for some Guacamole and Spicy Salsa dip on crackers... 


(ex. 2) John: Dude, you ate lunch half an hour ago. Quit ProcrastinEating and get back into it!

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It amazes me in a way that I'd turn to a handful of any kind of food for procrastinating when my biggest health goals right now involve weight loss.  Yet, there I was, doing it.  It didn't throw off my food consumption or weight watchers points, I mean, not even a little bit, so there's no concern there.  It's just the behavior itself that makes me pause and evaluate.

I'm thinking that it is just human nature for a large part of the population - and it has nothing to do with food, food addiction, weight loss or gain, or fitness.  It has to do with good ole procrastinating and whatever's handy will fit the bill to get out of doing what we don't want to do.  Smokers will smoke.  Eaters will eat.  Busy bees will find some busy work other than the thing they don't feel like doing.

Then it occurred to me - rather than grazing, I could have just taken a nap!  Then I would have been rested to hang out with my friends tonight AND I would still be doing the procrastinating I clearly wanted to do!  Problem solved!

I'll make a little note of that one and tuck it away for the next time I feel like procrastinating.  Like tomorrow probably.  :-)

I Can See Clearly Now

Laying in bed at the hotel last night my neck was stiff from sitting in a grueling class all day so I laid out flat with no pillows for a while.  After a few minutes it occurred to me:  while laying there I could actually see my toes! So then I jumped up to try this little stunt while standing.  I can do it!  After compensating slightly for the chest area, I can look straight down and see those little piggies!  Whoa!

I had a thought about skipping the treadmill this morning, but have pushed that thought out of my mind.  In the past few months I've gotten reacquainted with my collar bones, shoulders and rib cage; now I can see my toes.  I'm inspired.  I can't wait (and I do finally think it may be possible) to find my long lost hip bones.  What a reunion that'll be!

Ok.  Off to the gym.