Dead Weight

dead weight or dead·weight (dĕdˈwātˈ)

noun

1. The unrelieved weight of a heavy, motionless mass.
2. An oppressive burden or difficulty.
3. Abbr. DW The fixed weight of a structure or piece of equipment, such as a bridge on its supports. Also called dead load.

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I believe I have spent a lifetime carrying around many different types of dead weight.  I believe I have been shedding bits and pieces of it over the past 5 or 6 years, and it is possible that this leg of my journey is about losing a lot more than the weight of fat cells.  In fact, I am sure of it.

For years I carried around the weight of shame.  To me, "guilt" is a feeling we have that is a direct result of something we have done, and there's nothing wrong with feeling guilt when you are actually guilty of something!  But shame?  To me, shame is the sense that who we are is not good, or not good enough, at our core.  The belief that there is something inherently wrong or bad or ugly deep inside that is always lurking, on the verge of being "found out."  Shame is a heavy burden and one that none of us should carry.  But the world can conspire to make us feel so ugly inside and out from a very young age and no matter how we try to pretend otherwise, it can overpower us.  


A friend sent me this recently and I cried.  It is so beautiful and speaks to this very thing (note: it is a Christian song)

I feel like while I am currently shedding the physical weight, I have done a lot of work previously to rid myself of other dead weight that's held me down.  There is more than just "shame"; there are other forms of dead weight and baggage that some of us carry around.  I've gotten rid of a lot recently and plan on letting some more go as well.  I'll share as we go along.  For now, I just want to say I feel lighter on the inside as those burdens, like "shame," lift....which makes it so much easier to tackle the outside stuff. 

♥