Abandonment, Someday and Me.

I think we all have fears of abandonment to some degree.  We may have even experienced some form of abandonment:  a life partner leaving us, a parent passing away, having a best friend stop liking us and then fade into silence are all examples of abandonment and it's not a fun process to go through.

However, I think the worst type of abandonment I have ever had to deal with is when I have walked out on myself.  The times I have abandoned my own dreams, turned my back on my goals, and allowed myself to slip into the "someday" mentality.  You know what I'm talking about.  You're not fully alive and not fully embracing today because you're waiting for that elusive "someday" to arrive: 

• I'm going to lose weight someday.
• I'm going to work on my education someday.
• Someday I'd like to write a book.

There are also derivative variants of "someday," like:

• One of these days I'm going to start exercising again.
• After summer I'm going to start jogging again.
• Next month I want to......

They are all vague, impossible-to-pin-down times that aren't assigned an actual start date and therefore can keep getting pushed further and further away.

That's where my whole "makeover" went since June.  "After this trip" "After this vacation"  "After I deal with this funeral" "One of these days I'm going to get back on the plan."

Well, skaroo that.  I have "someday'ed" myself right up the scale.  I can't tell you how much I have gained, because I was putting off getting on the scale until 'someday' when I was back on track! 

This morning, I woke up with one thought screaming in my head:

• Today, I got up and made a fantastic green smoothie with spinach and greek yogurt and fresh fruits.
• Today, I have been doing "pushup o'clock" or "lunge oclock" all day at work.  Every hour, on the hour, I have been moving and squatting and lunging.  And I will continue to do that at the top of each hour...all day...today.
• Today, I am having a dark leafy green salad with salmon for lunch and if I get hungry later today, I am having some organic oatmeal with raisins.
• Today, when I get home, I am facing my fears and getting on the scale.  You can't fix what you don't acknowledge, right?
• And NO MATTER WHAT, today I am getting my arse back on that treadmill.

I'm not going to abandon myself, my dreams, my goals.  I matter.  I'm worth the effort.  This isn't a dress rehearsal.  We can't live in "someday" or even "tomorrow."  All we have is today, and I want to live it.

Who's with me?

♥