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Monday, November 14, 2011

Universal Sucking

This funk of mine just doesn't want to go away. Mind you, the best thing I can DO to get OUT of a funk, is to GET UP, and GET OUT, and MOVE, and take ACTION and leave the funk behind.

Still, there's absolutely no point in experiencing a funk if I can't over-analyze it and then broadcast my funk findings, right? :-)

Whilst sitting around in this funk yesterday (eating, not exercising, have a right jolly old pity party, complete with nostalgic music to make me homesick for a past I can never go home to, you know, greatly enhancing the funk drama), I found myself feeling like I got the short end of life's stick in so many ways.

Poor me; no man has ever loved me. (I can assure you the two men, who claimed to, did not, in fact, actually love me. Love doesn't brutalize. Just saying.) Anyway....Poor me, I've been doing life alone for 7 years with no family in the state. Poor me, I have a long commute. Poor me, being a single mom everything lands on my shoulders alone and it's so much responsibility. Poor me, my house is a 1947 home that needs everything replaced. Poor get the idea.

I tried to make myself cry. I put on Linda Ronstadt's "Somewhere Out There" and then laughed at the Youtube video. What a dorky haircut and cheesy song (I like cheesy though.)

Then I Googled poetry for sad, lonely, loneliness, aloneness, being alone, blah blah blah. I thought most of the poetry I was reading kind of stunk and it didn't make me cry, either. (Mind you, when I wasn't TRYING to cry, several tear ducts opened wide up and released some tears...well I needed that in order to clean out those ducts...I tend to hold tears in for months at a time.)

Right. So then I somehow got thinking, "This sucks." You know, all of it. It just sucks. Being human. Doing life. Going through all the motions. Making choices, hitting brick walls, backing up, making other choices, hitting more brick walls, rinse, repeat.

Then I asked myself "Who DOESN'T it suck for?"

Hmmmmm. Now THAT was a good question that started to turn my day around. I thought...

Well, it sucks for black people having to overcome SO MUCH hatred. It sucks for immigrants trying to come here and find a better life, leaving their families behind. It sucks for women, not making as much as men and having SO MUCH responsibility. It sucks for men, always having to "be strong" in stereotypical he-man fashion. It sucks for Native Americans. I mean, come on, we invaded their land, killed whole populations, and took over like we owned the place. And then took ownership! It sucks for people with learning and physical disabilities. It sucks for poor people with not enough to eat. It sucks for rich people who can't handle because someone always did everything for them. It sucks for famous people who can never go out on the street without being recognized. It sucks for Obama having half the globe hate you. It sucks worse for Bush having 3/4 of the globe hate you. That was a sobering even sucks to be President sometimes.

And it occurred to me, that this entire planet, the cold, hard world, is filled with Universal Sucking.

And our job is to do what we can to make it less sucky, one little choice at a time. And that first choice can be in how we choose to look at things. Hopeful, or hopeless. That's really what it all comes down to for me at any given moment.

Today? Today I am hopeful. I am hopeful that having all these goals means something. I am hopeful that forging ahead, making myself be strong, forcing myself to keep going in a forward motion....will impact my son and he will incorporate these lessons into his toolbox for life.

Maybe there isn't really Universal Sucking. Maybe there is Universal humanity and we get to choose if it sucks or not. I like that a lot. (Of course, I already knew it. Sometimes I need to be reminded of the same things DAILY. That's why affirmations work so well!)

So there. Funk Day is over and it apparently wasn't a total waste of time! Yay!

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