However, goals can completely derail me if I'm not careful.
When I start getting really excited about goals, I can lean toward grandiosity. A sense of being able to conquer the world can be a good thing. An absurd exaggeration of my abilities (with some magical thinking tossed in for good measure) can have me setting unrealistic goals (like in January 2011 when I thought I could lose 140 pounds in one year!)
In addition to setting goals too high, I can set too many at once. I'm the type of person who can "eat an elephant one bite at a time", but I can't sit down and eat it all at once. In other words, my greatest successes have typically come from making one good, solid next right choice, incorporating it into my being, and then adding another one.
When there is too much on my plate at once, I get overwhelmed. And when I get overwhelmed, I shut down. I don't mean I shut down one of the goals, I mean *I* shut down. If I can't do all 15 things at once, I will end up doing nothing at all and start a snowball effect where I am not able to manage or handle most everything.
Setting unrealistic goals can be deflating, demoralizing, and can even trigger feelings of depression. And I'm not interested in backsliding my way into yesterday, thankyouverymuch.
Goals on my plate currently (which I really need to asses):
1. Golds Gym 12 Week Challenge
I signed up for this workout challenge. Next week they will be taking before pictures (in a two piece, what the heck was I thinking?) and I will be striving for most improved, over a 12 week course. Competitors will be evaluated in the areas of weight, ability, looks, and a written essay. And of course, I want to take the 40-49 year old female category.2. 44 in 4
I set a goal last week that I would lose 44 pounds in 4 months, or exactly 2.58 pounds per week. According to my scale this morning, I did not even make it my first week. In fact, I somehow weigh one pound MORE this morning than I did a week ago. I could scream. In order to make the goal now, I would need to lose 2.81 pounds per week from now until April 30th.3. The Magic 200.
The 44 in 4 was part of accelerating my progress toward hitting the 200 pound mark. This is probably every hugely overweight person's dream...getting under the 200's seems like such a huge victory. So tied to hitting 200 is: my 44 in 4 challenge, the huge accomplishment in my heart just knowing I did it, plus my grandmother has tossed out additional motivation - she won't say what it is, but has told me she has a reward in store for me when I reach that goal.
All that seems so good, right? You would think so.
So why, can someone tell me, am I not losing one freaking pound here? Why am I killing myself at the gym, hitting the treadmill at home damn near every day, and I weigh exactly what I weighed 8 days ago? I know I had two days where I ate things I shouldn't. One day I had 3 Lindor Truffles (note: eating one was awesome. Eating two was so-so. By the third it was actually gross. I don't recommend that much chocolate in one sitting. Blech.)
Anyway, I feel like I'm teetering on the edge here. While working on the goals I'm also:
- changing my diet to incorporate whey protein to help with muscle soreness (in the form of a snack replacement/meal replacement)
- have also started recording my workouts to record/track/compare and make sure I push harder each time
- have started working out almost twice as much
- On top of that, my newest trainer at Golds had his last day Friday and I start with a new trainer Monday
- And I'm changing from 5:30 p.m. to 5:30 a.m. instead, meaning a whole new daily schedule to get used to.
Frankly, all this change at once, coupled with the lofty goals, seems to be having the effect of overwhelming me.
Some days I just want to run screaming from the world and go hide in a little cave until I get it all sorted out in my head. (I tend to live inside my analytic mind and sometimes it gets really crowded in there - I feel like I need to take everything out, organize it, rearrange it, purge what I don't need, and put it all back in neatly.) Yesterday I think I started that process and I'm not quite finished yet.
Putting everything on my plate in writing (where I can see it) is helping. I need to get my routines under control. I need to get my thinking under control. I need to get my emotions under control. And I definitely need to get my goals under control.
Because it seems this "out of control" feeling is spilling into other parts of my life, too. And I will not let that happen.