(click play for some mood music!)
Well, this is it. Food and I can no longer have the wild torrid affair we've been carrying on for so many years. It's been pretty intense. Even through both of my marriages, when times got tough I turned to food, oftentimes behind everyone's back. In fact that's been a lifelong problem. Heck, there were times on the way to a perfectly wonderful party I'd stop off for a little bite on the side. Or after a big shindig where I had a proper serving it just didn't satisfy me, so I'd stop by for a quickie at some two bit drive thru on the way home. *sigh* I was, well, a bit promiscuous when it came to my relationship with food.
I can't carry on this 'affair' with food any longer. It's killing me. It's not a good next right choice. I could die of a heart attack or a stroke or some cardiovascular disease. I could die simply by stopping breathing because of the moderate to severe sleep apnea I have. The doctors told me three years ago I could greatly improve both my snoring and apnea simply by diet and exercise. But like everything else in my life, it's never the knowledge of what is right that moves me to action. It is the willingness and readiness to make the hard choice. Why doesn't that just come naturally to me? Why is it such a struggle to do the right thing?
It seems that I become ready to make the next right choice when the pain of the bad choice becomes too great.
Well then, 2010 only has a few more hours and 2011 is on its way. The day and time has really come. I'm not sure I'm ready, but I am committed nonetheless, so as of midnight tonight my relationship with food is going to be up front, above board, and purely platonic. Food will become the fuel it is intended to be. I can love the food, appreciate the food, the colors, textures, tastes. I am allowed to still think about food and maybe even obsess about it a little.
There is really nothing wrong with appreciating food, the memories, the connections, the joys (past and present), but my affair with food ends today. I will not turn to food for my comfort. I will not sneak a little behind everyone's back. Integrity is what you do when no one else is watching. But just to be sure, I'm going to keep posting my accountability here as a security measure, if y'all don't mind.
Goodbye, Food As Love. Hello NEW ME.