Ice Skating and More

During the Thanksgiving break, while my parents were visiting from Maine, we took my son to the local town center ice skating rink.  He wanted me to skate with him, but I felt completely incapable, and had no interest in even trying.  I sat and watched him, completely disappointed in myself. That wasn't even two months ago.

1/15/11

Last night I took him ice skating with the intention of getting on the ice with him!  And I did it!  I wasn't all that graceful starting out.  I'm quite certain the teens and twenty somethings were looking at me sideways like "what the heck's this old lady doing on the ice?" And I spent the first 3 times going around nearly hugging the side.  You can almost feel my knees buckling in this photo!

But after a couple of times around I started to get the hang of it.  And there came a point where I wasn't focusing on balance and just started moving to the music.  At that point I started thinking about the difference between Thanksgiving and now.  And it's not really a physical one.  I've only been dieting/working out for two weeks.  That's not enough to make a big physical difference.  What's different is all in my head.

I know today I am making good 'next right choices' in my life.  I know today that I am doing all I can do to turn things around.  I have no shame about it.  I don't CARE what Jane Doe or John Q. Public think about my weight or size or shape because I am proud of myself and so I don't need that external approval.  In fact, when I looked at the healthy looking parents sitting on the sidelines I could see a lot about each of them in their faces.  Some were smiling and even said things like "you're braver than I am!"  But some looked at me almost with a scowl.  I wonder if it's because they are secretly jealous that someone so out of shape like me dared to get up there and they wished they could have?  Or maybe it's because they are unhappy about themselves in some way and they feel better scowling? lol  Regardless, last night I knew down to my bone marrow that it wasn't about me.  This is what happens to my self esteem when I make good choices!!!!!!

I'm going to go tubing this winter, too.  And start putting together a list of fun physical activities I want to do or try in 2011, many of which I have never done before.  I want to hike.  Camp.  Bike.  Maybe sign up for a 5k run/walk for the heck of it.  I want to set activity goals which I think is almost MORE important than weight/scale goals.  The scale will tell one thing.  How much I weigh.  The activity goals will tell how much LIVING I am doing!!!  And THAT is why I'm doing this!!!!  ♥

Dead Weight

dead weight or dead·weight (dĕdˈwātˈ)

noun

1. The unrelieved weight of a heavy, motionless mass.
2. An oppressive burden or difficulty.
3. Abbr. DW The fixed weight of a structure or piece of equipment, such as a bridge on its supports. Also called dead load.

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I believe I have spent a lifetime carrying around many different types of dead weight.  I believe I have been shedding bits and pieces of it over the past 5 or 6 years, and it is possible that this leg of my journey is about losing a lot more than the weight of fat cells.  In fact, I am sure of it.

For years I carried around the weight of shame.  To me, "guilt" is a feeling we have that is a direct result of something we have done, and there's nothing wrong with feeling guilt when you are actually guilty of something!  But shame?  To me, shame is the sense that who we are is not good, or not good enough, at our core.  The belief that there is something inherently wrong or bad or ugly deep inside that is always lurking, on the verge of being "found out."  Shame is a heavy burden and one that none of us should carry.  But the world can conspire to make us feel so ugly inside and out from a very young age and no matter how we try to pretend otherwise, it can overpower us.  


A friend sent me this recently and I cried.  It is so beautiful and speaks to this very thing (note: it is a Christian song)

I feel like while I am currently shedding the physical weight, I have done a lot of work previously to rid myself of other dead weight that's held me down.  There is more than just "shame"; there are other forms of dead weight and baggage that some of us carry around.  I've gotten rid of a lot recently and plan on letting some more go as well.  I'll share as we go along.  For now, I just want to say I feel lighter on the inside as those burdens, like "shame," lift....which makes it so much easier to tackle the outside stuff. 

♥

Chocolate Is A Health Food

My friend Joan has been extolling the virtues of 70% dark chocolate for years.  I have never really been a big fan of chocolate (no, really.)  But on a recent trip to Nashville, Joan brought a few types of Green and Black's Organic Chocolate (like that pictured below) and it was GOOD! I did a little research on the subject and here's what I found:

excerpted from: http://longevity.about.com/od/lifelongnutrition/p/chocolate.htm

Why is Dark Chocolate Healthy?:

Chocolate is made from plants, which means it contains many of the health benefits of dark vegetables. These benefits are from flavonoids, which act as antioxidants. Antioxidants protect the body from aging caused by free radicals, which can cause damage that leads to heart disease. Dark chocolate contains a large number of antioxidants (nearly 8 times the number found in strawberries). Flavonoids also help relax blood pressure through the production of nitric oxide, and balance certain hormones in the body.

Heart Health Benefits of Dark Chocolate:

Dark chocolate is good for your heart. A small bar of it everyday can help keep your heart and cardiovascular system running well. Two heart health benefits of dark chocolate are:

Lower Blood Pressure: 

Studies have shown that consuming a small bar of dark chocolate everyday can reduce blood pressure in individuals with high blood pressure.

Lower Cholesterol: 

Dark chocolate has also been shown to reduce LDL cholesterol (the bad cholesterol) by up to 10 percent.

Other Benefits of Dark Chocolate:

Chocolate also holds benefits apart from protecting your heart:

• it tastes good
• it stimulates endorphin production, which gives a feeling of pleasure
• it contains serotonin, which acts as an anti-depressant
• it contains theobromine, caffeine and other substances which are stimulants
• Doesn't Chocolate Have a lot of Fat?:
• Here is some more good news -- some of the fats in chocolate do not impact your cholesterol. The fats in chocolate are 1/3 oleic acid, 1/3 stearic acid and 1/3 palmitic acid:

Oleic Acid is a healthy monounsaturated fat that is also found in olive oil.

Stearic Acid is a saturated fat but one which research is shows has a neutral effect on cholesterol.

Palmitic Acid is also a saturated fat, one which raises cholesterol and heart disease risk.

That means only 1/3 of the fat in dark chocolate is bad for you.

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So there you have it, folks.  Eat chocolate, reap the benefits, and live guilt free.  I bought this at the corner deli and have made 3 squares a day my afternoon treat with coffee.  Mmmmmmmm.  Life is good!

Got Chocolate?

♥

What's In The Mirror?

I woke up feeling different today.  It started with my new morning wakeup routine (stretching in bed) and followed me through picking out my clothes and accessories.  I think I knew right then that something good was happening today, because I normally just grab any clean clothes and possibly a pair of earrings and call it a day.  Today I spent time thinking about what I wanted to wear and how I was going to accessorize.  I actually smiled and thought, "oooooo I'm accessorizing today!"  I applied makeup.  I don't mean "I slapped some lip gloss on."  I mean, I carefully spent 5 minutes doing it well.

And I felt cute all day.  Yes.  I said it.  I felt cute.  You know, nothing's really changed on the outside yet, so why I felt cute today and not a month ago is worth talking about.  I know why and it's not magic!  It's repeatable!

It's those Next Right Choices I keep making!

When I am not taking care of myself, not eating well, not exercising, not performing to potential at work, not keeping my house up.....when any of those things start falling away I start a downward trend into not feeling very good about myself.  And that in turn results in projecting that negative self image outward.  It's a very real pattern.  And once one area goes (like say, eating), it does trickle into the next area (keeping the house clean) and then next (my parenting skills) and the next (depression) and the next (my job.)

BUT...


When I AM taking care of myself, am eating well, am exercising, am performing to potential at work, am keeping my house up....when those things are in place (by just making one next right choice after the other, one at a time, until they build up to a lot of good stuff), I maintain a positive attitude and THAT gets projected to the outside where even *I* can see it in the mirror!  




I have lots of ideas/opinions/tips/tricks about baby steps, making small next right choices, etc. and will delve into my recent history to share some of what I've learned.  But I'll save that for another blog on another day.  For now, I'm going to take myself to bed early because that's a really good next right choice for today! 


And that seems to be really working for me right now!!!


♥

Choose Wisely, Grasshopper

The office went out to lunch to celebrate a coworker's birthday.  I love lunch!  And I love that I can always find something 'point friendly', or healthy, on the menu.  I was a little dejected to discover the birthday boy chose Macaroni Grill today.  Of all the restaurants in America, that one just seemed like the worst possible place to find something manageable.

Boy, was I wrong!

They have 9 items under 560 calories and lots of salads.  I chose the Pollo Caprese with a nice fresh greens salad. 

Fresh greens salad w/house dressing

cal: 160 

fat: 3 

carb: 10

Pollo Caprese

cal: 550

fat: 5

carb: 45

When they brought the bread and olive oil I made sure it was set across the table from me and out of reach.  When the salad arrived it had croutons so I gave those to a coworker. That may sound kind of high for lunch, but I had a small breakfast and a plain and simple grilled chicken salad for dinner, so all in all it was a pretty good day, considering I navigated Macaroni Grill!  

A person could get kind of used to feeling good like this!  I think I'm going to keep going!

♥

Baked Apple Goodness

Before my electricity went out this evening, I concocted a yummy baked apple dessert worth 6 weight watchers points.  I don't know about calories or nutritional value, but it's wholesome and yummy.  Most of the points are from the ice cream so you can reduce that greatly by using Lite Cool Whip or something instead of Edy's Slow Churned Vanilla Bean.


Baked Apples For Two
2 apples, cored
2 tsp. organic brown sugar
1 small single serve container Edy's Slow Churned Vanilla Bean Ice Cream


Put 1 tsp. brown sugar into the core of each apple.  
Nuke each separately for 4 minutes. 
 Put half of the ice cream into or ontop of each baked apple.  Eat enthusiastically.

What I really loved about this is that it really is a whole fruit, for one thing.  The brown sugar only adds 10 calories.  It feels decadent and like comfort food.  And it does make for a fantastic dessert.  It shows that you can be creative to get foods similar to those you are used to, only in a healthier way.  It also shows that healthier eating doesn't mean spinach and celery only.  You can eat desserts sometimes and ice cream sometimes and it's just all part of the weekly budget.

I love this saying and don't know who to credit.  I think it was a girl on weightwatchers.com a few years ago:

"With Weight Watchers you can eat anything you want.  You just can't eat everything you want."

♥

Apologies to Nina, My Trainer

First, I'd like to apologize, deeply, for telling you yesterday that I wanted to punch you. Of course you realize I don't really want to punch you. Not now, anyway. Yesterday was a different story. (I am so glad you have a sense of humor!!!)

Secondly, I want to show you that I made a full 30 minutes on the treadmill this morning.  What I lacked in desire this morning (all I really wanted to do was sleep in), I made up for in commitment.   Therefore, I will have a little more energy to meet you head on tomorrow.  BRING IT!!!!

Hugs,
Carly <--- gluton for punishment


I can't believe that 30 minutes on a speed setting of 3.0 only burned 120 calories.  That only covers the apple I ate this morning.  I'm going to stop looking at the calorie part and just focus on the miles and time.  My goal is going to be 30 minutes per day, no matter what.  No matter what comes up and even if I have to do it at 11:00 p.m., I want to get that 30 minutes in.  I can't say I like it yet.  I can't say I'm looking forward to it or that it feels amazing.  But I can say I'm going to do it anyway, and hope that at some point I'll get excited about it.  :-)

On the upside, I watched an old "I Love Lucy" episode while treading and it's one I hadn't seen before.  So that was good.  On the downside, I left the flipping remote on the other side of the room so I couldn't turn it up loud enough to hear it.  I was afraid to stop the treadmill and get back off - afraid I wouldn't get back on.  lol

My black mat came in via Amazon yesterday and I have it sitting in my "workout room" now and it looks good in there!  I think taking it out of the box and setting it down counts as part of a workout.  I may want to step that up a bit though.  Let's see if this evening I can do some donkey kicks or hydrants or something.  Yesterday Nina had me do something that worked the glutes and I had a glimmer of hope that I might end up with a shapely derrière.  But I can't remember what we did.  I think I'm going to Google it.  Let's call that a secondary goal!  Buns of Steel!!!!

Breathe!

The last time Cruella DeVille my personal trainer was here I got what you could call an education by experience.

She was forcing me to lift my body in such a way that I was pretty certain all of the muscles in my torso were ripping right off the bone, permanently detaching.  When I pleaded with her and explained the agony I was experiencing, she did not tell me to stop.  Instead, she said, "It's because you're not breathing right."

Two words flashed immediately across my mind, and they were not "thank you."  I was angry.  Did this woman not hear me?  Did she not understand my pain?  Was her ultimate goal to send me to the emergency room?  In my anger I gulped in a huge breath of air and on the lift I exhaled it all, all at once.  AND THE LIFT DID NOT HURT AND IT ACTUALLY FELT GOOD.

That will become, I believe, a vital part of my training going forward.  When things get tough, breathe it out.  I have always been a person who holds my breath when things get rough.  When I go for a shot, I close my eyes and hold my breath until it's over.  When taking a sliver out of my finger, I hold my breath.  Going forward, I am going to really focus on my breathing and make it a key part of my activities.  It's also going to help strengthen my lungs since prior to 11/1/2009 I had smoked for 3 decades.  This really is becoming a complete health overhaul from head to toe, and I'm loving it!

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Since it's related to breathing...... my son was born a 30 week preemie.  A little GI Joe, he was.  I know in my heart he was a preemie in part because I smoked while pregnant.  There is no "do over" button, and I thank God he is a healthy awesome boy, but it could have ended very, very badly.  I made this video as a bit of a public service announcement against smoking while pregnant, hoping it might help at least one mom and her unborn baby.  My son and I are sprinkled in there....

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Food is a Drug of Choice for Many

It's almost laughable to me how far a divide there seems to be between the medical community and real people like me.  They go on and on about BMI and exercise and food choices so very matter of factly.

It's really quite simple, no?  Expend more energy (calories) than you consume and you will lose weight.  Voila. Problem solved.

And of course, those of us who don't follow that very simple guideline are [insert negative adjective here.]  Weak?  No will power?  Lazy?  Unwilling?  Those are probably the kind words right there.  They certainly get worse.

But that's not all there is to it.  Not at all.  Not for some of us.  For those of us who have used food as a drug for years there becomes a strong physiological bond made within us.  In order for our bodies and minds to function "normally" (in a way we have become used to), and the neurotransmitters do what we expect (make us feel better), there is a certain necessary critical mass of certain food types at certain times which are as predictable, in my opinion, as the smoker's need for nicotine or an alcoholic's need for that next drink.

Rip that medicine away from us without replacing it with something else and you leave us with gaping holes that we do not know how to fill and we find we cannot cope with daily life.  Of course, I'm talking about myself here.  Your mileage may vary.

I started overeating very young.  (I also started smoking regularly at age 11.)  Coincidentally, this was not long after being molested by an adult I had regular contact with.  I can see now that I did not have the tools or the resources to deal with the emotions around those events, but that I gravitated to two substances that numbed me and gave me a sensation of "wellness."  Food and nicotine.  I used both my entire life for that same purpose.

And the reality is that food really did work as a powerful drug for me.  After consuming certain foods I would feel a calmness wash over me followed by a numbness and a desire to just sleep or veg out a little.  It calmed my racing mind.  It calmed my body noticeably.

The problem is that this mechanism started out serving an important purpose that was helpful and has become incredibly unhelpful.  I am unhappy about my weight, about my use of food as a drug, about hiding behind this "Wall Of Me" that hangs out there.  And I do that, you know.  I always have.  I hide right out there in full view and draw very little attention to myself unless I want the attention.  When you are overweight men for sure don't notice you and most people in general don't have much to say to you.  It's true.  Having lost great amounts of weight and gained it back I have experienced life both ways.  When you are fat, you are invisible to a great portion of society.

Anyhow......

On November 1, 2009, I ripped off one of life's big bandaids and quit smoking.  I faced some hard times, a deep clinical depression, and came out on the other side stronger and better able to deal with life.  Well, now I am beginning to rip off another big bandaid, one day at a time.

 I need to learn how to self soothe rather than run to food to do it.  I was terribly sad yesterday and, twice that I am aware of went into the kitchen to find something to eat, not out of hunger, but out of wanting to not feel those feelings.  I think just being aware of this is a HUGE step in the right direction.

I had a passing thought to reach out and call someone, but decided not to do that.  I had a passing thought of getting on the treadmill and didn't do that either. Nope, I went for a colossal bowl of Rice Chex. So it seems like healthier options are starting to come into my consciousness, which is great.  Acting on them isn't coming so naturally yet, but I'm working on it.

I have a feeling I'll be coming back to this topic often.  It's pretty big and needs a lot of sorting, kind of like peeling an onion...there are many layers under there.

But for today I'll accept:

• I am aware that I don't want to feel the feelings that are hiding under all this fat and food, that they may be fairly powerful since some have been buried for decades.
• I will turn to counseling to go ahead and face the stuff.  The only way to the other side is through.
• I need to do things differently because what I've been doing no longer works for me and I really REALLY want to get on that other side.
• I will work on forgiving myself for what feels sometimes like an entire wasted life.  Of course, it's not been...but it feels like that.  I feel that way about smoking, too, now that I quit.  Like, wow, why did I do that?  I want to feel that way about the food.

For today, I will just try to make some good next right choices.

♥

HALT!

In 12-step programs, (specifically Food Addicts Anonymous that I once attended), there is an acronym folks are told to be mindful of when going through their day:  HALT.  It means in order to maintain your (sobriety, abstinence, etc.) you should not let yourself get too:

• Hungry
• Angry
• Lonely
• Tired

I can attest that in my own life, these can be a fast track to sabotaging a good eating plan.

Hungry
If I am too hungry, I can eat ravenously and not even pause long enough to see if I'm getting full yet.  Or I will eat the wrong choices because I just don't care..I'm hungry, after all!  To keep hunger at bay, I know I need to keep healthy snacks nearby and try to not skip meals (or wait too long between them.)

Angry
Growing up, I was taught by society that anger was a bad emotion.  "Good girls don't get angry" was the message.  We must not get angry, just forgive people and make nice.  Blah blah blah.  This is  a dangerous message in my opinion, because anger can be very healthy and help move us to positive action.  But I digress.  Since I learned I shouldn't get angry, when I do get angry, I don't have great tools to deal with it.  I need to "stuff" it down, which can lead to overeating. It's better for me to avoid conflict or confrontation or seek a peaceful place quickly, than to stay in and around anger.  (Note: some conflict is healthy, too.  I'm talking about the kind leading me to anger.)

Lonely
Loneliness is probably my biggest trigger for overeating.  And why shouldn't it be?  I have spent the better part of my life living alone inside of myself.  Just me, my thoughts, and some good bread, cereal or other refined carbs to keep me company.  Just today I found myself in a deeply "alone" place and I walked right into the kitchen and self medicated.  I need to cut it out.  I need to have a better game plan.  Maybe taking out the deep loneliness on the treadmill would have been better.  Or being around people.  There's a thought. Remember one of my goals this year is spending time with people.  I have to figure out how to make that happen.  What I'm currently doing is not working for me and could be the undoing of this whole thing.  I'll make this a topic in future blogisodes.  (is that a word or did I just coin one?)

Tired
When we are tired we tend to not feel like chopping, dicing, measuring, cooking etc. and so we go for the quick and easy (and oftentimes unhealthy) choices.  I think when we're tired, we should rest.  And as we plan our days, make sure we aren't burning the candles at both ends.  Build in some down time and a good 8 hours of sleep at night.

Next time you find yourself running to the kitchen in a bit of a frenzy remember HALT.  Are you REALLY hungry or is there another trigger sending you in there?  For me, just identifying that can be enough to preempt a binge!

Fail Proof Your Goals

I am going to succeed.  

I am going to lose the weight, get the teeth fixed, overhaul the wardrobe, learn (at 45 for pete's sake) what to do with my makeup, and get a sexy, playful haircut that reflects the new me.  If you recall, I also want to spend more time doing physical activities with my son, and want to take one step closer toward getting a degree.

In order to hit those big goals, I need to figure out, and then 'fail proof,' the smaller steps it will take to get there.

For instance, I want to lose weight.  I have to ask "what does that take...losing weight?"  If I break it down, it consists of regular exercise (both weight and aerobic types) and eating a healthy diet. 

So then I need to take each of those and break them down further.  If regular exercise involves both weight training/resistance exercises and aerobics, how can I get those?

Weights:
gym?
home gym?
free weights?
resistance bands?
weight bench?

aerobics:
gym?
home DVDs (sweatin' to the oldies?)
home treadmill?
walking/jogging in neighborhood?
dance lessons?

Those are just examples.  And for each there are some pros and cons to consider.  Going to the gym has huge advantages, as does setting up something at home.  For me, the gym simply does not work.  I paid for a Gold's Gym membership for 3 years and have both logistical and esteem issues around going.  It didn't work.

Creating a bit of a home gym sounds wonderful and has a lot of advantages, too.  The biggest disadvantage is motivation.  I had a treadmill in 2005 and gave it away in 2007 because I just never dragged myself up onto it.  Great concept, proven failure in past implementation.

So then I had to seek other options.  What about a buddy system?  Someone to work out with?  Well, being a single mom and not really knowing too many people around town, plus not having a sitter, that just wasn't a viable option.  (it's a good one, just not  for my situation.)

I googled around for personal trainers, thinking maybe I could go somewhere at least once per week for a little accountability and to help teach me what I should be doing.  That's when I found Team Fitness America.

The concept is pretty awesome.  You hire a personal trainer to come to your home on your schedule for as many sessions as you need/want.  Think about that.  You don't have to worry about running around to get there, or worry about getting a sitter.  It's at your own house.  You choose the schedule.  You don't worry about scheduling conflicts because you are the one picking the schedule!  And since the trainer is coming to your house, you don't really need to worry about motivation or not showing up.

I'd call that "Fail Proofing" the fitness part of the plan!

The eating part of the plan requires, actually, more work.  I need to devote quite a bit of thought to planning meals, figuring out my schedule and my son's activities to make sure I have quick, easy and healthy available on basketball nights or any night when there's no time to cook.

At first I was thinking it would be a pain to have to think about food all the time, planning, buying, making it.  And then it hit me.  I'm a freaking food addict.  All I do is think about food anyway!  Now I'm just thinking about it BETTER.  :-)

So my "fail proofing" the food is done on a daily basis.  I make sure I have what I need in order to succeed that day.  So far so good~

If I don't come up with the attack plan, then I'm leaving myself wide open for spur of the moment choices and while I'm a big fan of making "next right choices", that doesn't mean I'm all that good at it yet!  :-)

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An example of how the personal trainer is ensuring success:  On Wednesday when I awoke my stomach was in pain of epic proportions.  Not only didn't I want to work out, but I genuinely couldn't even lift my legs or use my stomach muscles without agony.  I ROLLED out of bed.  Literally.  If I had to go to the gym that day I would NOT have gone.  NO WAY.

But Ms. Nina showed up and, after listening to me whine about the pain, empathetically said, "we're going to add some leg weights to your workout today."  WHATTTTTTTTTT??????  I just told her, almost in tears, I was too sore to work out and her response was to bring added weights? lol  That wouldn't have been MY choice, dats fo' sho'.

Funny thing is, as soon as we were done the workout I felt SO MUCH better than before she showed up.  And I haven't really been sore since.  (Of course, today she brought heavier weights and I felt like I actually ripped out/detached from my body every muscle in my torso, so we'll see what tomorrow looks like.  I may be investing in a shower massager or selling the family jewels to afford a massage therapist.  (I don't have any family jewels.  That was written for effect.  Don't stalk me.  hehe)  She also brought a medicine ball.  Some heavy torture device you're supposed to try to hang onto while doing squats and lunges etc.  I thought it all seemed so very, well, torturous until I googled it today.  If this is what you get from using a "medicine ball" then I guess I'll just suck it up and do it!

So I am Fail Proofing my Goals for 2011.  If Failure Is Not An Option, then I need to take myself and my spur of the moment choices out of the equation and get this healthy routine on automatic pilot.  One week into the New Year it's looking mighty fine!

♥

What are you doing to ensure success?  Got a plan?  Bullet proofing it?  What's working?

Let's Dish

I haven't talked about food very much.  It's a pretty important part of this whole equation and needs to maintain a prominent spot in my brain.  In order to be successful, I need to ask, "What am I eating tomorrow?" before I go to bed and remind myself again first thing in the morning.  It would be too easy to grab something fast, unhealthy, and convenient.  And since my goal is to be healthy from the inside out, that choice would be decidedly inconvenient!

So I try to plan a couple of days in advance.  Fortunately, I have some easy "stand bys" that I can do any meal, any day.  For instance, a McDonald's fruit and maple oatmeal is not ideal, but absolutely can see me through a meal.  Or the MickeyD yogurt parfait with fruit is a great snack choice since there's a McDonald's on every street corner around here.  For lunch, a cup of Wendys chili with a side salad is a great choice, or a cup of chili poured over a plain baked potato if I am super hungry.  The deli down the street makes a killer cobb salad and I could eat it every day without growing tired of it, so I'm really covered.  No excuses for all-out bad choices!

That speaks to one of my earlier posts:  Plan to succeed.  Failure to have a plan is the equivalent of planning to fail.  Life is going to upset the daily routines and we need to have a plan in place for dealing with it.  That's why I also keep lowfat string cheese, apples, Kashi TLC healthy 7 grain bars and LiveActive cottage cheese both at home and at work.  I can snack (and do every day) on something healthy.  That keeps me satisfied and not weak looking for a quick fix from the vending machine.

I also keep at least one Kashi bar and apple with me in my pocketbook in case I am in a meeting that runs long somewhere, or somehow get detoured from my master plan.  Remember, failure is NOT an option!

So what's a sample day look like?  Here's today's menu:

Breakfast

• Plain oatmeal
• Stoneyfield farms organic yogurt
• Carrington Farms Organic Ground Milled Flax Seed, 12-Count Easy Serve Packets (Pack of 3) (will talk about flax in a later, post, I love this stuff and it's SO GOOD for you!)  I buy these individual easy serve packs because flax seed have a fairly short refrigerator shelf life and I can take these in my purse, store them at work, etc.

Lunch

• Tuna with Mayonnaise, Canola, Light, Eggless, Vegan, 16 oz.
• Broccoli
• 3 Lightly Salted plain rice cakes (love them with the tuna on it mmmmmmm)

Dinner

I just snapped a picture of what I'm making this morning to enjoy when I come home tonight.  I cannot stress the joys of crock pot cooking enough.  I am a single, working mother with a good 45 minute commute.  I don't have TIME to come home and whip up a nice homecooked healthy meal.  So I can throw it in the crockpot in the morning and it's like mom was here cooking all day when I come home to the smells of a nice home cooked meal.!  Mmmmmmm

Pork roast, onion, pepper, Goya apple soda
in crockpot all day.

• Pork Roast cooked with onions and goya apple sauce on "low" all day.  Will drain it and then add an organic barbeque sauce to it and pile it on a weight watchers whole grain roll
• Broccoli slaw

Snacks

• Apple or two
• String cheese or cottage cheese

See...eating healthy doesn't require deprivation.  It requires creativity to get what you want in a way that you REALLY want it...healthy and getting you closer to your goals!  It takes some time and effort, a lot of repetition for the healthier choices to become habit, and an eye focused on the prize.  But it can be done.

That was a pep talk to Carly.  Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Carly!  You CAN do this!  You ARE doing this!  WOOHOO!!!!

Bon Appetit!

Carly

♥♥♥

Day 5 of the New Me

And I already overate at dinner last night. Grrrrrrrrr.

I entered it into my online food tracker and fortunately, Weight Watchers understands my evil, wicked ways and allows us all an extra 49 points each week just for situations like last night, where I needed to pick between the lesser of two evils and didn't.  :-)

This is going to be super brief this morning.  I ate my apple as instructed by Nina, my personal trainer.  I only had 1/2 cup coffee this morning, and I have had two full glasses of water.  This should make for a much better workout since on Monday I truly felt I was going to pass out and/or get sick.

My only real concern today is how can I possibly workout when I can't even use my leg muscles alone to sit or stand, when my abdominal muscles feel just like they did after my C-section, and raising an eyebrow hurts.

This is where having a personal trainer come to my house was a stroke of genius.  I can't not show up.  I can't procrastinate so long that I miss the chance to get there before work.  Nope, Sergeant Major Nina will be here in a few minutes and I'll be ready.

Then I will spend the rest of the day on a kind of high, knowing how good I am being to myself right now.  And I gotta tell you, this RAWKS!

Over and out,

Carly
♥


PS!  Sgt. Nina brought the scale and according to her scale, I have lost a total of 11 pounds since I last weighted myself after Christmas.  YEEEEEEEEEE HAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

PPS:  She also measured all my parts.  Ima pretend I didn't see those numbers and concentrate on that big scale victory for today.

PPSS:  I can't wait to tell y'all my starting point numbers!  But I'll tell you THOSE when I'm halfway to my goal.  So I better get moving!!!

PPPSS:  My stomach muscles right now feel LESS sore than before she came.  THAT is freaky.  I'm luvin' it!

Ouch.

Did you know that humans have six different abdominal muscles?  Neither did I.  But I am deeply aware of each one as I write this.  They are all communicating to me this morning!

My new personal trainer, Nina, arrived right on time yesterday (6:30 a.m.) and ready to get to work.   She started me out with a 10 minute warm-up on the treadmill and then we got into the tough stuff.  I think it's only tough, though, because I'm so out of shape (wait! a circle is a shape!).  She had me do 2 sets of 10 each of several exercises, some of which I have done in the past and some were a bit new:

• crunches
• reverse curls
• leg lifts
• sit ups (modified)
• oblique thingies
• scissors
• hydrants (this was not too attractive, looks just like what it sounds like, and made me glad I chose a female trainer)
• donkey kicks (this may double as a self defense move)
• squats (I was almost disliking her by this point)
• lunges (my legs were shaking on the last two moves)
• calf toe lifts
• side lats with hand weights
• front lats with hand weights
• bicep curls

In order to do some of these, I needed to be laying or kneeling on the floor, so she came prepared with a Harbinger Folding Exercise Mat just like this one I ordered last night from Amazon.  I figure I am going to be doing some of these maneuvers on my own while she is not here, and since my addition/dining room is fast becoming my home gym I can lay on the mat and crunch things while watching tv at night!.

What I loved about the workout was that if I couldn't quite make 10 of something, she'd switch me to either the other side or another move and then come right back to the one I had not finished.  By the end of the session, I accomplished all the reps she wanted me to do.  Left to my own devices I would have packed it all in after the first time through or if I was too tired or shaky I would have stopped that exercise and just moved on without looking back.  This is why someone like me needs a drill seargant personal trainer.

Sadly, I didn't quite make the full hour of working out, in part because I was not hydrated and in part because I am so out of shape.  So in preparation for tomorrow morning (Wednesday) I have been instructed to do a few things:

1. Get up a full hour before the workout.
2. Eat an apple or a yogurt; have a little something in my stomach.
3. Drink a couple of glasses of water.
4. Lay off the coffee,

I can, and will, do numbers 1-3.  Make me do number 4 and we're gonna tussle (you know, once I'm in shape).  I'll go with maybe a half cup of coffee, but there's no way I'm going cold turkey on the morning coffee!  Baby steps, Carly.  Baby steps.  I'm also supposed to do 20-30 minutes on the treadmill today, which I'm going to do as soon as I sign off here.

So that was my first day with an in-home personal trainer and I have to tell you, even though my stomach muscles are sore, and the rest of me is stiff, it FEELS GOOD.  It's a reminder that I did something really good for myself yesterday and I bet during the day if I want to reach for something unhealthy, the sore, heavy arm will be good reminder to step away from the cookie, cupcake! ♥♥♥

Get Moving!

I have tried for years, unsuccessfully, to get into some kind of exercise routine.

I bought a rickety Walmart treadmill in '06, used it a few times sporadically, then when I bought this house, I gave it away on Freecycle.org.  I have tried getting up and doing Richard Simmons' Sweating to the Oldies in the mornings, but always used the excuse that I'd wake my son up.  (I put in a link to his full DVD collection...it is actually fun and I might do a little of that going forward because I love the oldies music).

I have paid for a membership at Gold's Gym for going on 3 years now.  I have literally worked out there twice.  That's TWO TIMES.  I didn't want to cancel the membership because in my psycho brain that would mean I was giving up on myself.  So I paid for nothing.  They even have an awesome built-in daycare, but since my son goes to another daycare after school every day, it felt 100% wrong to stick him in another one at night.

I bought a bike two years ago.  My son and I went for exactly 4 bike rides.  Then somehow I forgot all about it and it got left in the rain to rust.  I gave it away on freecycle also.  (Note:  If you have never tried freecycle.org you have to!  People like me give away nice stuff all the time just to get rid of it.  And if you have stuff to get rid of, from broken TV's to free sample things you get in the mail to old broken furniture, there's usually someone who will take it off your hands and come right to you to get it.  It rocks and keeps stuff out of our landfills!)

The bottom line is, nothing I have done has been sustainable because on my own, I just cannot get it together.  I'm not ashamed to say that, either.  If I had a workout partner I'd do so much better.  (I belonged to Bally's Total Fitness in the 90's and went 5 times a week with a lady I knew - a workout buddy REALLY helps.)  But I don't have one now, and NOW is when I want to get moving.  So I did some research and have found my solution for 2011.

This morning, at exactly 6:30 a.m., I am going to meet my new personal trainer from Team Fitness America.  Starting today, and going through the end of the year, I have committed to an in-home personal trainer.  It's bringing the gym to ME!  Whether I had equipment or not didn't matter; they bring whatever they need to help me reach my fitness goals: balance balls, resistance bands, free weights, etc.  If you have equipment (and I do) they will incorporate that into the mix.  For instance they may work with me on free weights Wednesday and then instruct me to do 45 minutes on the treadmill Thursday.

I am psyched to get this started.  I have arranged my addition/dining room in such a way that it's pretty much going to be the gym for a year.  Who cares? I don't get company here anyway (really.  Ever.) So why not?  I have more arranging to do, but for this morning I have my treadmill and exercise bike cleaned of all holiday remnants, I have a 6' x 6' wide open area for moving, and a tv and dvd player in there for ole Richard (or whomever.)

I know I can't lose weight or get fit without movement and I remember years ago (two decades, yikes) when I LOVED working out - so much so it was almost addicting itself.  I really, really want that back.  In addition to the fitness, I understand that physical activity can help significantly with reducing or alleviating depression and even PTSD (I am a sufferer) and anxiety.  And I really want get rid of them.  They're in the way of my goals and they have got to go!

If you're interested in inquiring about Team Fitness America, I know they operate in 17 states and have different rate plans depending on how many sessions you want.  If you inquire, seriously, tell them that Carly from "thenextrightchoice.blogspot.com" blog sent you!  Here's the gentleman I have been working with since last summer!  (it takes me a while to gear up for something, but once I commit, look out! lol).


Michael Singleton
Team Fitness America
www.teamfitnessamerica.com
michael@teamfitnessamerica.com
888-348-2629 ext. 709



Last point this morning......

I am not a balanced person and if I could choose it, I would quit my job and do nothing but work out and diet all day long all year long.  But I'm not independently wealthy and despite my excitement, my JOB has to be my NUMBER ONE priority this year because without it, I have no food, shelter, safety, security, etc.  So I want to just mention that part of this 'workout routine' is going to be pre-planning at night what I am going to wear to work, (and ironing it, etc.), and what I am going to eat the next day (and getting it ready) so that having a personal trainer doesn't get in the way of my priorities.

I have no idea what having a personal trainer is going to be like because I have never had one.  But I'll surely let you know as we go!

Happy Monday!

Carly
♥♥♥

Write It Down

"The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: decide what you want"  ~Ben Stein.


I have a lot of things I'd like to do, see and experience this year.  And it is possible to achieve them all, I think, if I spend some time mapping out exactly what it is I want, and then planning for a balanced approach to making them happen.  (To say balance is not my strength is an understatement.)

So far I have some loose goals (lose weight, get fit, eat healthy) and have taken many steps toward them (got some workout equipment, started this blog, etc.), but in order to make it all come together I need to clearly define the goals and then define a plan of action.  There is a common business saying that I know to be true:  If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.  So let me start this plan with the mantra I adopted when I quit smoking:  Failure is not an option.  (Thanks to the movie Apollo 13 for that one!)

So then, my first attempt at writing out the top five goals starts here:

1. Lose "x" pounds by December 31, 2011.  (you didn't think I'd tell you how much I need to lose, did you? I'm not ready to give up that information yet.  Once I'm halfway there, I'll let ya know where I started.)
2. Alter my diet in such a way that at least 75% is comprised of natural, whole, organic and/or unprocessed foods, while simultaneously reducing the sugar and white carbs.
3. Spend a lot more time doing things with my son.  Biking, hiking, swimming, roller skating, ice skating, tubing, day trips, museums, science center, aquarium, etc.  He's already 11.  I am in a panic about the time that is flying by!
4. Spend a lot more time interacting with, hanging out with, and participating in life with people.
5. Take at least one more step toward getting a degree.

That looks a little daunting as a whole, so the next part will be to break it into smaller actionable goals that move me in the general direction of my bigger goals.  I'm going to print out this "bird's eye view" list, though, so I don't get lost in the quagmire of detail later, and so I can read it each morning.  In that way, when I am faced with choices during the day, my goals will be in my mind to guide me.  I will ask, "Does this choice move me closer to, or further away from, my goals?"  Then all I have to do is make the next right choice  and I will be one step closer to my goals.  See how that's going to work?


This is all going to be a process of trial and error, coming up with a Plan A and if that doesn't work, or something in the equation changes, shifting to a Plan B, or C, or D, as life demands.  As long as I keep my eye on the goals, maintain the flexibility to change the plans as needed, and renew the commitment to keep going every day, I'm going to get there.

I know it.

2011: The New Year is here and I'm Feeling GOOD!

(click play)

Feelin' Good


Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by you know how I feel


It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good


Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
Blossom on the tree you know how I feel


It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good


Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done
That's what I mean


And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me


Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel 


It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

1/1/11 has arrived, and I'm ready.  Not ready in the sense that I've already cleaned off the treadmill, bought all the right groceries, have written everything down that I need to write down or have the game plan in place.  Not at all.  But ready in the sense that I feel the change inside of me.  I have a willingness, a readiness, and openness, to be changed.  To be receptive to new ideas and to do whatever it takes to become the person I know I can be.


My friend 'Ruby' always says 'If you keep doing what you always did, you'll keep getting what you always got.'  No truer words have been spoken.  So I'm ready to stop doing what I always did.  I'm ready for change.


Laura McReynolds of Lifeworks Coaching posted this on her facebook yesterday and I just loved it:


 I write down all the thoughts and behaviors I am ready to release, that no longer serve me, on scraps of paper, which I then burn in the fireplace, as I sincerely thank them for what they've taught me and where they've brought me. Then I make a list of all that I am now ready to welcome into my life. Cleaning house, if you will, from the inside out.


I believe in my heart that eating compulsively served me well at many points in my life.  It was a strong defense against so many things over the years, things that truly did harm me, or had the potential to harm me.  Since I lacked the life skills or experience or knowledge at the time to handle these things, I either escaped them completely or numbed my emotions through them by soothing with food.  I guess I am grateful that I had something available to help ease the pain of being me.   So thank you, food, for being there when I needed something or someone.  I no longer need you in that way, though.  I am stronger now.  I am more confident.  I have some cool new goals and so I am going to release you and move on to the next chapter in my life.  


Which leads me to the really important part of today's blog.  What I'm moving toward, which is really a lot more important than what I'm leaving behind.  Here are some things on this year's list of things I am now ready to welcome into my life:

• Exercise and fitness.  I remember that exhilerating feeling of jogging or long, long walks, or aerobics.  It's almost addicting itself when you really get into it.  I am ready to rediscover that!
• Healthy food choices.  I have been slowly incorporating more natural and organic and whole foods into my diet and releasing the processed or simple carb foods for a while now.  I am ready to really leap into this and understand it's going to take a lot of effort and thought and planning until it becomes automatic.  I'm willing to do that.
• People.  I am willing to let people back into my life, and not wait for that imaginary day when I reach all my goals and become worthy.  It sounds so ridiculous typing this out, but I have put parts of my life on hold for decades waiting until I lost weight, or got a degree, or quit smoking, or.....whatever.  It occurs to me now that today might be all I have.  I can't wait until next year to get close to people.  There might not BE a next year!  So I am ready to welcome closeness with people back into my life.  Maybe the big wall will melt along with some of the fat.  :-)
• Success.  It may sound a tad odd, but I have lived my entire life in fear of success.  So much so, I think, that I kind of sabotage myself when I get really close to the big successes I could have.  I feel, and know, truly, that I am on the verge of a new kind of success in my life - I am closer to my big life goals right now than ever before (goals I have had since my teens!! really!)  and I think I'm willing to do what it takes and not back down out of fear.  I am going to do the work and push through.  I want to see what the other side looks like.  I want to write a book.  I want to give seminars and do public speaking.  I love this stuff!  I am passionate about it!   And always have been!  So I'm going to stop being afraid and just figure out what I need to do, and then do it.

Well, that's quite a lot, isn't it?  I have some things in place to work on each of them and I'll talk about that tomorrow.  But I can do one thing a day, at least, to move in those directions.  For today, I'm going to make healthy food choices, not worry so much about the exercise (housecleaning will count for today!) and phone a friend or two to let them know I miss them and love them.  And writing in this blog helps me with that last one. :-)

Happy New Year~ This is already shaping up to be a great one!!!!

Carly

♥♥♥