But after a couple of times around I started to get the hang of it. And there came a point where I wasn't focusing on balance and just started moving to the music. At that point I started thinking about the difference between Thanksgiving and now. And it's not really a physical one. I've only been dieting/working out for two weeks. That's not enough to make a big physical difference. What's different is all in my head.
I know today I am making good 'next right choices' in my life. I know today that I am doing all I can do to turn things around. I have no shame about it. I don't CARE what Jane Doe or John Q. Public think about my weight or size or shape because I am proud of myself and so I don't need that external approval. In fact, when I looked at the healthy looking parents sitting on the sidelines I could see a lot about each of them in their faces. Some were smiling and even said things like "you're braver than I am!" But some looked at me almost with a scowl. I wonder if it's because they are secretly jealous that someone so out of shape like me dared to get up there and they wished they could have? Or maybe it's because they are unhappy about themselves in some way and they feel better scowling? lol Regardless, last night I knew down to my bone marrow that it wasn't about me. This is what happens to my self esteem when I make good choices!!!!!!
I'm going to go tubing this winter, too. And start putting together a list of fun physical activities I want to do or try in 2011, many of which I have never done before. I want to hike. Camp. Bike. Maybe sign up for a 5k run/walk for the heck of it. I want to set activity goals which I think is almost MORE important than weight/scale goals. The scale will tell one thing. How much I weigh. The activity goals will tell how much LIVING I am doing!!! And THAT is why I'm doing this!!!! ♥