I read that quote the other day and immediately thought of this 'blanket' or shielding of weight that surrounds me. And I guess I was in a safe enough place to let my mind go there, because I drilled down until I hit what has been, I believe, a deeply ingrained core fear or self limiting belief.
I think there have been times I have clung to the weight because it has been a ready excuse to not be my best self and a great thing to blame for all my failures and bad choices. It would be pretty painful to step back and realize that under all the weight (and removing it completely from me) there is just me...and maybe I've been the problem all these years...not the weight. Ouch.
- Of course I attracted an abusive husband....who else would want someone my size? (That was a good one. Which of course discredits any woman of a normal or slight size who has ever been abused. I tell ya, I look at beautiful women, slender women, and am in shock/amazement sometimes that they could end up with an abusive man. My distorted mind has always believe the "pretty people" get all the good stuff in life without the pain. Gack...my mind is chock full of total crap I've used to ease the pain of living!)
- I'd have gone further at that job if I was cute like (so and so)...the cute petite women always get preferential treatment (which sometimes can be true, but which totally ignores the fact that at some point I stopped putting forth my own best efforts and slacked off....I almost always went from accolades of an overachiever to average through my own lack of balance and consistency which has nothing to do with how anyone looks. But that's kind of painful to accept, so let's blame the fat, shall we?)
I have been on a path for a few years now where I am taking out these core doubts/fears and limiting beliefs and figuring out how to get rid of them so they stop hurting me. So that *I* stop hurting me. Lies told over and over and over again may sound like the truth, but they are still lies! So my job is to take them out, look at them, and counteract them with truth!
There are many ways to do that (affirmations, meditation, exercises, talking to a friend and getting rid of skeletons and dark thoughts which can't live when you shed light on them, etc.)
But another way I found is by making good, solid, next right choices. It really is that simple to me sometimes. If I take a moment and reflect before taking a step, to make sure that step is in line with who I am and what I TRULY want (what is right for me), I am squashing out the limiting beliefs and overcoming the fear through ACTION.
I am a Christian. I pray. I ask for help and guidance. I ask for strength. But if I don't get off my derrière and take action, nothing ever changes! It reminds me of an interview during the "Hour of Power" with Robert A. Schuller several years ago after writing one of his books and he was asked about the link between body, mind and spirit. He said:
"I like to quote St. Augustine who said: "Pray like it all depends on God and work like it all depends on you." So, we can’t sit there and pray and pray and pray, and say God, why don’t you help me?
It’s like the joke about the man who has been notified that his house is going to be flooded and he needs to get out of the house. He says no I don’t have to, God is going to take care of me. Then the flood starts to rise and a sheriff comes along and tells him to get out. The man says no, God is going to save me. So, the floods continue to rise, and he climbs on top of the house. A boat comes along and he’s told to climb into the boat. He says, no, no , God is going to save me. Finally, a helicopter comes along and they lower the net to rescue him. The man says, no, no, God is going to save me! Well, the man drowns and goes to heaven. When he gets to heaven he says to God, "why didn’t you save me?" God says, "I sent the sheriff, I sent a boat, I sent a helicopter, what more did you want me to do?"
There is a point at which we have to take responsibility for our faith. When God sends a helicopter, you have to climb in. So, action is a part of faith and prayer as well."
Maybe this blog and the attention it is getting is my helicopter out of the fear and the pain and into the life I was born to live. I'm climbing in and am pretty excited to see where it's heading!!! ♥