Grocery Shopping: Part 2

Groceries are freaking expensive these days.  Regular, every day, nothing special grocery prices have risen steadily for the past 3 years to a point where I don't even understand how people can afford to feed large families.  And healthy foods?  ¡Ay, caramba!

I don't even get that.  Artificial junk, with fillers and chemicals and additives and processed garbage which requires, um, processing.....all that is cheaper than foods that are just natural.  Foods that are NOT processed and added to and ruined cost more.  Go figure.

I am a BIG fan of GROUPON where they send out a daily email with the local coupon of the day.  A while back the morning groupon was for a year's subscription of the Baltimore Sun weekend edition, for the low low cost of $10.00.  (That really IS a huge savings!)  I don't care to read the paper (except during special times hehe) but I got thinking that the weekend edition coupons are amazing. 

I figure, if I can clip coupons, then shop places where they have double or even triple coupons, or wait until things are on sale, I could save a lot of money!  Especially on things I always need like laundry detergent, toothpaste, etc.  I'm not fussy about brands, so the sales would work for me.

What I didn't calculate into the mix is allotting time to actually look at, clip out, organize and use these coupons.  This brilliant idea comes from the same girl who has a trashbag full of papers I need to go through "one day."  I've been needing to do that ever since I left my ex, about 5 1/2 years ago.  This organizing idea also comes from a girl with 3 rubbermaid bins full of photos she's going to organize one day.  And the same girl who, on a whim, decided she wanted to take harp lessons.  She got the harp, signed up for a semester of harp lessons, then proceeded to take exactly two lessons.  Oops.  (The follow through on wonderful ideas isn't always there. :-)

Anyway, a picture is worth a 1,000 words.  In this case, the picture is probably worth $100 bucks if I could only get clipping.  The process appears to have stalled.  And by "stalled" I mean I haven't cut even one out yet. I have a lady who comes in once in a while to help me organize my junk/ stuff/ papers/ clothes/ closets, etc.  I know she peeks in on this blog from time to time.  I'm thinking she's not going to like the looks of my living room chair! 

Carly <----waves to JoAnn...I'll be calling you soon! lol

♥♥♥

Hiding In Plain View

When I am at my heaviest, as I have been all this past year, I find myself feeling invisible.  I can walk down the halls at work and people don't speak to me.  I can be out at the stores and though I may get a glance or two (like if my cart is in the way), people aren't friendly and overall, I feel like I am not even noticed.  I have generally thought this was because my weight caused some kind of aversion and people just didn't want to look in my direction.

I'm going to rethink that.  That might be one of those tightly held core beliefs that needs to be taken out and examined for truth.  Rather than people not seeing me, or people not being interested in me, or people not noticing me....it is possible that when I am heavy, I am actually hiding in plain view.

Understand, I am still extremely overweight and this past month of eating right hasn't altered that fact one iota.  But yesterday, people were very friendly.  They made a lot of eye contact with me.  Walking down the halls at work in the afternoon someone introduced himself and offered up some friendly small talk.  At the grocery store, someone smiled at me, I smiled back, he smiled even bigger, and I almost laughed out loud.  I kept walking down the aisle, still chuckling, then I turned back around and yep, he was glancing back smiling, too.  Don't get me wrong, it's not like anyone was hitting on me.  It was that people were SEEING me.

And it all of a sudden occurred to me, perhaps it's not that way at ALL.  Perhaps it's that I am seeing THEM for a change.  Instead of keeping my eyes down at the floor, avoiding people, maybe I'm looking straight ahead and taking the world head on right now.  THEY haven't changed,  It's ME that is changing.

It's all a matter of perspective, but this morning I'm seeing this pretty clearly.  When I am making really unhealthy choices, shameful choices, "bad" choices, I don't WANT to look anyone in the eye.  I'm not proud of who I am and I certainly don't want people meeting THAT me!  But after a short time of making GOOD next right choices, I feel so differently.  I feel like I'm doing all I can do today to be a better me, and if you don't like it, pffffffffffffffffffttttttttttttttttt.

I have a little zip in my step lately and I do feel like I am coming out of hiding.

Carly <------ waves to the world "hello!"

♥♥♥

Vegilicious!

In a stroke of absolute genius, Weight Watchers has made all fruits and vegetables "point free."  That's Z-E-R-O points for broccoli, mushrooms, onions, peppers, brussels sprouts, tomato, zucchini, asparagus, summer squash, winter squash, spaghetti squash, string beans, cauliflower....and the list goes on.

I am quite certain that no one ever got obese from eating too much spinach.  And I also have believed for quite some time now that you really have to EAT in order to lose weight.  You have to eat those vegetables, the dark greens, the leafies, to get your body functioning at it's happiest.

So my main foods are now apples, cantelope and berries and a really high amount of ALL the veggies.  Yesterday I worked from home (icy roads morning) and so I fixed a nice breakfast for my son and I before I sent him off to school.  I lightly sauteed broccoli, mushrooms, onions, yellow, red and green peppers, then added in a mixture of 2 real eggs and 2 egg whites to the mix.  Once set, I tossed on about 1/3 cup of lowfat shredded cheese.  Mmmmmmmmm talk about an awesome way to start the day!  I sometimes will do the same thing and stuff it into a whole grain pita pocket if I'm on the run.

What fascinates me is that when I am eating healthy, I LOVE the food.  I mean, it's GOOD.  It tastes awesome.  I PREFER it!  When I'm eating junky it's pretty gross, doesn't taste all that great, and makes me feel like crap.  So why on earth would I do that on purpose?   Well, there's a million reasons and I'll save all that for other upcoming posts.

This morning I want to just stay with the joy that I am finding in my vegetables.  That includes shopping for them (love the produce section of Whole Foods!), finding recipes for them, enjoying the colors, the textures, the aromas and of course, the flavors.

And in the mornings, they are so much more interesting than stupid donuts!

♥

Managing Change

I was just telling a coworker yesterday that back when I did IT tech support, it would drive me bonkers when we'd upgrade software and people would freak out simply because of a change.  Sometimes change is good, but we get so used to things being a certain way, it becomes comfortable and people often prefer staying in the comfort zone.  (The reason I was telling my story in the first place was because the company upgraded our web access software yesterday and I was bitching about it - lol-  so ironic.)

Starting today (or more likely tomorrow since the weather's icy today), I'm going to be reporting to a different physical work location for the foreseeable future.  And while the change doesn't freak me out, it IS going to mean shifting schedules and routines.  I'm going to have to plan better each day what I will be eating for both lunch and dinner.  I'm going to have to closely coordinate my schedule with my son's activities to make sure nothing falls through the cracks.  I'm going to have to see if my trainer can come 30 minutes earlier or somehow adjust my schedule and daycare options to make sure training doesn't fall away.

I could easily let this sudden shift derail me.  In the past, it would be a great excuse, really.  Who could blame me for pausing my efforts while I adjust to the new routine?  Well, I would blame me.  All this really means is that a new slight obstacle has presented itself and my job is to keep my focus and work around the changes, while staying the course.

Because I have MUCH bigger changes I want to see happen!  (And clearly, some of them have already taken place...starting with my attitude!  Yeee Hawwwwww)

♥♥♥

Slip Sliding Away (Non Scale Victory!)

Short and Sweet:

Today I noticed the pants I wear most often were looser yet again.  I acted on a feeling, and without having to unbutton or unzip I was easily able to just pull them down right on over and around anything that would ordinarily stop that from happening.

That has nothing to do with the number on the scale and everything to do with how things are shifting around.

YAY ME!

P.S. My trainer came back today and we started back with crunches and lunges and other exercises guaranteed to rip muscle from bone!  Awwwww I missed ya, Nina!  ♥♥♥

Feeding The Wolves

You may have heard this many times over the years; but it never seems to lose its relevancy for my life:

Last night I took my son to our favorite diner.  I ordered the egg beaters veggie omelet, with a fruit salad, and no potatoes.  I was rockin' the health!  My son ordered nachos and they brought him a gargantuan-sized plate with gobs of chili and cheese and sour cream.  After I finished my own meal, my son asked if I wanted to try a bite.  I thought "one taste won't hurt" (I really thought that) and it was so good I had another.  And another.  And another.  With a little extra sour cream.  And an extra little scoop of the cheese. Here and there.  A few more times.

Before you know it, the waitress came back and asked if she could get us dessert, I thought, "I've already blown it, I may as well have pie" and so I got some apple pie.  Which of course isn't all that great without being heated up and having a dollop of vanilla ice cream on it.

I was feeding the greedy, can-never-be-filled-up glutton inside of me who didn't care about next right choices or how I'd feel afterwards.  I just did what I wanted to do in the moment.  That's not even really right.  I just followed a compulsion and didn't stop it. I wasn't emotional.  I wasn't feeling lonely.  I wasn't trying to fill a big gaping hole of emotional need.  I was just on automatic freaking pilot.

I don't think it's possible to always make 'the next right choice.'  Do you?  We're human.  We're imperfect.  We're fallible. I think this battle of the wolves isn't going to be won by "which one you feed."  I think this battle is going to be won by "which one you feed the MOST."

Sometimes, the 'next right choice' is acknowledging a misstep, a mistake, a sin, a faux pas, a weakness, a momentary lapse of sanity.....and imprinting the memory of how that felt so as to reduce the likelihood of repeating it.  And then forgiving yourself and letting it go.

It's not "all or nothing."  It's not "black and white."  It's not "good wolf, bad wolf."  In my world, it's step by step, choice by choice, try to do my best and accept that sometimes I will forget to even try.  And That's OKAY.

Fortunately, I'm going to get another meal a few hours later to try again and I get to choose better and turn everything back around again.  So this morning I had a bowl of oatmeal, an organic yogurt and an awesome honeycrisp apple.

Fortunately, there's a do-over button every time we make a bad choice......

(Lyrics to the song are below)

There is no guilt here, there is no shame.
No pointing fingers, there is no blame.
What happened yesterday has disappeared.
The dirt has washed away and now it's clear.

(Chorus)
There's only grace.  There's only LOVE.
There's only mercy, and believe me, it's enough.
Your sins are gone without a trace.
There's nothing left now..there's only grace.

You're starting over now under the sun.
You're stepping forward now, a new life has begun.
Your new life has begun.

Chorus

And if you should fall again, get back up, get back up!
Reach out and take my hand. Get back up, just get back up again!

Honeycrisp Heaven

Have you ever experienced a Honeycrisp apple?  If you have, you are likely already addicted to their deliciously sweet flavor and the snapping crispness as you take a bite.  If you have not, you may have missed your window for this season and will have to wait until next fall.

Honeycrisp apples are a hybrid developed by the University of Minnesota. They state:

"Honeycrisp fruit is characterized by an exceptionally crisp and juicy texture. Its flesh is cream colored and coarse. The flavor is sub-acid and ranges from mild and well-balanced to strongly aromatic, depending on the degree of maturity. It has consistently ranked as one of the highest quality apples in the University of Minnesota sensory evaluations."

I was introduced two years ago to Honeycrisps because a gal on the Weight Watchers boards was raving about them.  You have to really look at the grocery store to find them as they tend to disappear quickly!  Once you purchase them, bring them home and keep them in a cool place and they will last a long time! (several weeks! really!)

I thought the season was over for me this year and this morning I found some at my local grocery store.  They must have been stashing some just for me.  (Thank you, Super Fresh!)

If you love tart apples, this is definitely not the apple for you.  But if you like 'em sweet and crispy, they just don't get any better than the Honeycrisp. 

LOL Diet Commercials

These are funny and disturbing. :-)

The View

I've rearranged my house in such a way that I have one room nearly dedicated to this fitness quest - an addition that was being used as my dining room / music room.  I still have the piano in there, and my table, but they are off to the side to make room for the treadmill, exercise bike, ab lounger, plenty of floor space for working out and my mat.  This is the view from standing on the treadmill.

I have FIOS and an HD TV with built in DVD player so I can entertain myself while walking.  I have also purchased yoga, walking away the pounds and sweating to the oldies dvd's.  Of course, buying them and setting them near the TV is as far as I've gotten with that.  Progress, not perfection, I say!

I am SUCH an all or nothing kinda gal though.  I want to find a place for my table and piano, clear them out, put mirrors on the walls like a real gym, get some music piped in from the laptop to a sound system hooked up to the tv and make this the room I most want to be in.  Anything worth doing is worth doing obsessive-compulsively, right?

I don't want to waste a lot of time on this, but I was given an elliptical from work and I'd rather bring it home sooner than later, which means I need to make the room.  On days like today I wish money was no object and I could just buy a bigger house.  Then again, if money was no object I'd have a personal chef, a gourmet kitchen, and much cuter workout clothes.  :-)

♥

Pigging Out Sure Ain't What It Used To Be!

I remember, back in the day, (1980's) when going on a binge involved a half gallon of heavenly hash ice cream for a General Hospital marathon.  Or a dozen butterscotch pecan chip cookies atthe Publick House Bake Shoppe where I worked in Sturbridge, MA.  Or hot from the fryer chocolate donuts from Kristine's Bake Shop where I also worked after high school.  Those?  Those were epic binges.  Legendary, really.

A little while ago I found myself s.t.a.r.v.i.n.g.  (Remember my HALT blog?  Never let yourself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired?  oops) and I went frantically into the kitchen looking for fast food that might do the trick.  I assembled some stuff, gobbled it down and it didn't quite do the trick so I followed it with chocolate.  It all sounds so sordid and horrible.

Until I step back and really look at the wreckage.  Let's see:

• Whole wheat pita pocket split into 2 
• about 2 tsp mayo, 1 tbps max
• 1 whole big fat juicy tomato stuffed into both sides

Followed by:

4 small squares of 85% dark chocolate

So that's a whopping 3 weight watchers points for the chocolate and 5 for the tomato stuff pita, for a total of 8 points which is LESS than the activity points I have already earned and need to "eat" anyway.  Which means, not only didn't I go over anything, I'm still under for the week and will have my dinner as usual in a little while, no harm, no foul.

A little side note:  After 3 tiny squares of the chocolate I was actually more than satisfied.  I had a hard time finishing the 4th - no really.  I think quality ingredients and the fact that it's dark, not milk chocolate really makes a huge difference.  It's amazing.

I'm tellin' ya....when you purchase good, healthy food to keep at home, it really limits the damage you can do when you're on a rampage! Nope.  Pigging out sure ain't what it used to be.  THANK GOD!

♥

Unplugged

Somewhere in the early 90's I discovered the Internet (back when it was text and DOS based!) I don't mean I invented it; we all know Al Gore did that!  The night I popped in that free AOL CD I ended up staying online until 4:00 a.m. researching a disorder with which a family member had been diagnosed.  I was blown away by the copious amount of  information I found at my fingertips.  I became instantly addicted.  

I have a good friend who calls herself (and me) an "Information Ho" and I'd say that's about right.  I have lived on the Internet ever since to some degree.  I haven't watched tv with any regularity (except American Idol the year David Cook won) for many years.  I have never watched a single episode of Lost, 24, NCIS, Sex in the City, Dexter, 30 Rock, Friday Night Lights, or The Sopranos.   I'm okay with that.

I'm a techno geekette and I'm "plugged in" pretty much 24/7/365.  I carry my HTC Evo everywhere with me and that means instant access to the Interwebs, my email, chat programs, weather, news, sports---even my weight watchers points values are calculated on the fly thanks to a 'droid app.  I'm tuned into that little alert and flashing green light on the EVO that tells me something happened (a new email, a chat request, etc.)

The past few days, however, I've been missing in action.  Dealing with an onslaught of life's zingers, I have been unable to keep up with my normal geek stuff.  And when the flu hit, one of my friends suggested I "unplug" for a while and just rest, watch TV and relax.  It dawned on me then that I NEVER unplug.  I can't think of the last time I just sat and watched a TV show and even when I did, I'm sure I had the EVO in my hand in case it beeped.

As much as the 'Net is a great escape for me, and a place where I feel I thrive, I think I need to remember life is lived in the 3D world where real hugs happen, where treadmills spin and memories are made.  I didn't make this a goal at the beginning of the year, but it occurs to me that in order to meet all of my aggressive goals for 2011, I'm going to have to add one more:  limit computer and EVO time!  Part of this "whole life" makeover is that I want to reach out and have more "real life" contact with people.  That's kind of hard to do from behind a computer screen.

How much time do you spend online?  On the computer?  Do you have an iPhone or Droid and do you find yourself "plugged in" all the time?  Are you okay with that?  Inquiring minds want to know.....

♥

Randy Lay There Like A Slug......

During the past several days life has thrown me a few curve balls that temporarily derailed my momentum.  I"m reminded of A Christmas Story and my favorite line:  "Randy lay there like a slug.  It was his only defense."

On Saturday, my son woke me up in the wee hours with the full blown stomach flu (gastroenteritis).  Poor baby was the sickest I have ever seen him.  It was Pedialyte only the first day and partway into Sunday he was able to have some chicken noodle soup my sweet neighbor made for him.  I had to change his bedding several times and wash a lot of clothing as he was going through them every hour. After cleaning and disinfecting everything I went to bed exhausted Sunday night.

After

Before

Then Monday morning I heard screams coming out of the bathroom.  "Mom, there are bugs in my hair!"  This is not something an exhausted mother wants to hear.  I snapped a picture, Googled, and realized this was a story "Of Lice and Men...."  Egads!  

The pediatrician outlined what needed to be done (as well as the school nurse who I called) and I began the process of delousing.  It was a lousy job.  (teehee)  

Ummmmm

Rather than deal with getting the lice out of  ALL the hair, I decided to chop off his hair first and then just deal with what little was left.  My son is a comedian and when I turned around to grab the camera for the "after" pic this is what he did. After the haircut there was a shampoo procedure followed by some gel and a fine tooth comb and a lot of meticulous picking.  I felt like a gorilla mom.

The rest of the delousing involved washing everything we own basically. Rewash the bedding, sofa and loveseat cushions, coats, hats, clothing, stuffed animals.  Spray down anything that couldn't be washed. Zip things in plastic.  Put things outside.  Spray things.  Unfortunately, with him having the flu he had laid everywhere for two days!  The sofa, loveseat, his bed, my bed, even the ab lounger!

The pediatrician told me it was possible (though not likely) that I could have the lice too (not likely because we don't share combs or hats etc.) but as a precaution she recommended I put mayonnaise on my hair with a shower cap overnight which would suffocate them if I had any.  Mayo.  In my hair.  Overnight.  YUCK.  I chose one with olive oil.  I figured if I had to do this, I'd make it nourishing for my hair!  

After slathering it all over my hair down to the scalp, I put my hair in a shower cap and then put a tower wrapped like a turban over the whole mess.  I cannot convey how disgusting this was.  It was greasy and slimy and I smelled like a salad bar that sat out in the sun for 8 hours.

But that wasn't the worst of it.  I was to keep this contraption on until morning.  I fell to my bed at 11:30 p.m. in total exhaustion from dealing with 2 days of flu and one day of lice, only to be woken up at 2:30 a.m. with horrific stomach cramps.  Yes, I now had the stomach flu also.  On the up side, with the whole hair-in-the-shower-cap process going on, I didn't have to pull my hair back while puking.

Yesterday I didn't eat a thing.  I just couldn't.  I also didn't have coffee.  Imagine the headache I had from caffeine withdrawal.  I don't think, as I sit here and write this, that I ever did finish the laundry and I think I have stuff in both the washer and dryer.  I did get some good tips on how to get the mayo out of my hair (fun times doing this while in the midst of the stomach flu) and a mixture of apple cider vinegar and water helped tremendously.  That, and washing it three times.  The silver lining is that my hair feels so soft and it's pretty darned shiny.

So today I was able to get back to work, have a pretty productive day there, and I was able to eat both a banana and some yogurt and keep it down.  WOOHOO!  Tonight's dinner was amazing roasted chicken and a small sweet potato.  I think I could have eaten the entire chicken, but I had to remind myself we can't make up for missed meals of the past.  :-)

Through all of this, there was no way I could possibly work out.  I did, in fact, lay there like a slug and it was my only defense.  But I'm on the other side of it now and in a few more days should have my strength back and be ready to get back in the game.  I'm going to start doing the treadmill again tomorrow, even if it's just 15 minutes.  And my trainer returns Monday which gives me several days to make sure we're completely lice-free and I'm refocused on the big goal - December 31, 2011.   As a single mom, this was a pretty major onslaught of crud to deal with alone.  But as a woman on a fitness mission?  This wasn't even a blip on the radar.  

Onward and upward!

Flu Strikes

My son had a terrible gastrointestinal bug over the weekend and I got it late last night.  I have thought about putting thoughts together today but I just cannot muster anything intelligent.  Hopefully this will pass sooner than later...I have a couple of pretty funny things to tell you about.  :-)

For sure this has had to be good for the weight loss at least in the short term.  Also going to refrain from formal training for the rest of the week.  I am so weak I can't even hold my own head up (not exaggerating) so working with Nina just won't work.

As I feel better, though, I want to at least do the treadmill.  I have lost momentum and it's really bothering me.  Nina and I are starting again on Monday.  Just a tiny setback....darn flu!

Zig Zagging Forward to Goals

This is the way I most normally get from point A to point B in my life.  It's a big zig zag of 5 steps forward, two steps back, 4 steps forward, 3 steps back, etc.  

I sometimes have to take a few backwards steps to get a good running head start to make a giant forward leap.  And That's OKAY!

What I have noticed is that if I keep my eye on the prize, that longer term goal, no matter how many obstacles or setbacks, I will end up making that goal.

After I left my ex, I went to counseling from June 2005 to December 2006.  I remember in one session toward the end the counselor asked me to make three lists:

1. Where would I like to be in ONE year?
2. Where would I like to be in FIVE years?
3. What would I like people to say about me, and my life, at my funeral decades from now?

It was a truly difficult task to complete.  I had spent years living out someone else's plans and goals and being a "non person."  But I really thought hard about it and came up with my lists.  The 5 year list included things like:

• Have more education/certifications for my career
• Make more money
• Get some savings together
• Fix my credit (My FICO was at 411 post-divorce!)
• Buy my own house
• Quit smoking
• Be fit/healthy/lose weight

I think the act of writing these things down was POWERFUL.  I thought them, I wrote them, I saw them.  It imprinted into me and gave me some focus and direction.  Later, as the days and weeks went by, one baby step at a time, I was able to look at my choices and ask, "is this in line with my goals?  Does this choice get me closer to those goals?" and then choose wisely with purpose.

Here I am 4 years later and....

• I have achieved 5 major industry certifications (IT) and enrolled and started taking classes at University of Maryland University College (UMUC)
• I make more money.
• I have a little savings.
• My FICO is up at or over 700.
• I purchased my own home.
• I have quit smoking.

The only thing not done from the 5 year plan is the fit/healthy/weight.  Which I am doing and should be done by Dec 2011.  EXACTLY 5 YEARS FROM WHEN I MADE THE LIST!  

What I am learning is you don't have to do anything perfectly.  You don't have to always be moving forward,  Sometimes you need to rest.  Sometimes you need to coast.  Sometimes you need to back up and regroup.  But if you make your small, daily choices with an eye on the bigger picture, you WILL end up where you wanted to go, or someplace even better!

I had no concept of writing a blog or owning a website ( My Discussion Forums ) - these are things that came up along the path I was already on toward my goals and I just kind of went with them.

Anyway, my point is this:  Set your goals.  Write them down.  Then just worry about the baby steps that may not feel like much progress, but when you look back 5 years from now you'll be amazed at how they added up!!!

And as far as what folks will say at my funeral?  I think I want them to say "she loved us and gave her all." ♥♥♥

Before and Now PIX

December 1, 2008 versus Jan 18, 2011 (30 lbs. lost and 2 years older!)
If I Can Do It, ANYONE (Including YOU) Can Do It!

So this is a good time to pause and do a quick "before and now" comparison.  It's certainly not a "before and after" because frankly, I have a LONG way to go.  Still, I think there are some noteworthy differences to talk about.

For instance, my eyes.  When I am eating processed/refined junk, I get puffy and look so unhealthy.  One of the first things to be affected are my eyes.  Look on the left how you can't even see them!  That has everything to do with what I eat, not so much how much I weigh.  Really.  It's like two different people and I assure you, I'm not Sybil.  :-)

The second thing is the skin tone.  I have a kind of dingy tone on the left and a healthier glow on the right.  My body likes the food it's being fed and it enjoys the cardio and weight training!

But to me, what I notice most is the smile.  I have one on my face a LOT more these days.

I have a long way to go and of course, you're not seeing the whole body shots yet.  I want to wait until I have a better difference to show you.  For now, if you scroll down on the right you'll see a slideshow of "Before and Now" pics which I will keep updating with more current photos.

I'd like to say I'm only doing this for the health benefits, for being able to get around better, for doing more with my son, etc.  While those are all true, I'd be lying if I didn't say there was some vanity thrown into the mix.  I have felt unattractive physically most of my life.  Imagine becoming my prettiest at the age of 45?  Heh.  I can not only imagine it, I'm doing it!  ♥

Grocery Shopping Part 1

"You can't eat healthy food at home if you don't buy any"  ~Carly

If I want to keep making healthy eating choices, then I need to have healthy options around me from which to choose!  One of the quickest ways to sabotage my motivation and momentum is to blow off going to the grocery store, then foraging around for something "quick" and "easy" when I'm hungry.  I'll gravitate to cereal, ramen noodles, junk - or Dominos pizza or Chinese food delivery.

Conversely, when I have a variety of fresh fruits, vegetables and other healthy snacks like string cheese, lowfat cottage cheese, organic yogurt or Kashi chewy granola bars (honey almond flax, trail mix, peanut butter), it is EASY to eat right.  It's all right there and ready for me.

Additionally, I have to think through meals well in advance.  I'm a single, working mom with a very active son.  That translates to days where I leave the house at 7:30 a.m. and don't return until 8:30 p.m.  Or I leave and come back for a 45 minute window before rushing back out for a basketball game or school activity.  If I don't plan, I need to think quickly in the moment and usually while hungry.  Not a great combination.

Instead, I am trying to think the day before:

• "Where I am going to be tomorrow?"
• "What activities does my son have on the agenda?"
• "What's in the fridge or freezer and does it need to be taken out?"
• "What time will I be eating?"
• "What will I plan for breakfast, lunch and dinner?"
• "Do I have healthy snacks handy at all locations?"
• "Do I have enough veggies and fruits?"
• "Am I planning for a healthy/essential oil?" (important to have every day!)
• etc.

The more I do it, the more natural and less awkward it feels (the planning part.)  But the healthy grocery shopping part hasn't become second nature yet.  I need a routine.  I need to go maybe every Saturday morning to keep some structure to it.  And I need to grasp better what IS and what IS NOT healthy.  Read the labels, make notes, etc.

ColorNote Android App

I also need to for my own sanity keep a list of "staples" and as I run out, tick them off the list!  I found a great Android cell phone app called "ColorNote" which has a very simple interface for jotting down notes or creating shopping lists and as you buy the things it crosses them out.  Super handy and helpful. I also can use it for my to-do lists but I think I need to take some time and input all my staples in there.  Then at the grocery store I'll have some direction instead of walking around aimlessly trying to find what looks "good" at the moment!

I made this blog post Grocery Shopping Part 1.  I suspect this topic will get revisited a few times along the way - a lot of your success or failure can be predetermined at the grocery store!!!

♥

Overcoming Pain and Fear with Action

I imagine one of the reasons people cling to thier hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.  ~James Baldwin

I read that quote the other day and immediately thought of this 'blanket' or shielding of weight that surrounds me.  And I guess I was in a safe enough place to let my mind go there, because I drilled down until I hit what has been, I believe, a deeply ingrained core fear or self limiting belief.  

I think there have been times I have clung to the weight because it has been a ready excuse to not be my best self and a great thing to blame for all my failures and bad choices.  It would be pretty painful to step back and realize that under all the weight (and removing it completely from me) there is just me...and maybe I've been the problem all these years...not the weight.  Ouch.

Examples:

• Of course I attracted an abusive husband....who else would want someone my size?  (That was a good one.  Which of course discredits any woman of a normal or slight size who has ever been abused.  I tell ya, I look at beautiful women, slender women, and am in shock/amazement sometimes that they could end up with an abusive man.  My distorted mind has always believe the "pretty people" get all the good stuff in life without the pain.  Gack...my mind is chock full of total crap I've used to ease the pain of living!)

• I'd have gone further at that job if I was cute like (so and so)...the cute petite women always get preferential treatment (which sometimes can be true, but which totally ignores the fact that at some point I stopped putting forth my own best efforts and slacked off....I almost always went from accolades of an overachiever to average through my own lack of balance and consistency which has nothing to do with how anyone looks.  But that's kind of painful to accept, so let's blame the fat, shall we?)

I have been on a path for a few years now where I am taking out these core doubts/fears and limiting beliefs and figuring out how to get rid of them so they stop hurting me.  So that *I* stop hurting me.  Lies told over and over and over again may sound like the truth, but they are still lies!  So my job is to take them out, look at them, and counteract them with truth!

There are many ways to do that (affirmations, meditation, exercises, talking to a friend and getting rid of skeletons and dark thoughts which can't live when you shed light on them, etc.)

But another way I found is by making good, solid, next right choices.  It really is that simple to me sometimes. If I take a moment and reflect before taking a step, to make sure that step is in line with who I am and what I TRULY want (what is right for me), I am squashing out the limiting beliefs and overcoming the fear through ACTION.  

I am a Christian.  I pray.  I ask for help and guidance.  I ask for strength.  But if I don't get off my derrière and take action, nothing ever changes!  It reminds me of an interview during the "Hour of Power" with Robert A. Schuller several years ago after writing one of his books and he was asked about the link between body, mind and spirit.  He said:

"I like to quote St. Augustine who said: "Pray like it all depends on God and work like it all depends on you." So, we can’t sit there and pray and pray and pray, and say God, why don’t you help me?

 It’s like the joke about the man who has been notified that his house is going to be flooded and he needs to get out of the house. He says no I don’t have to, God is going to take care of me. Then the flood starts to rise and a sheriff comes along and tells him to get out. The man says no, God is going to save me. So, the floods continue to rise, and he climbs on top of the house. A boat comes along and he’s told to climb into the boat. He says, no, no , God is going to save me. Finally, a helicopter comes along and they lower the net to rescue him. The man says, no, no, God is going to save me! Well, the man drowns and goes to heaven. When he gets to heaven he says to God, "why didn’t you save me?" God says, "I sent the sheriff, I sent a boat, I sent a helicopter, what more did you want me to do?" 

There is a point at which we have to take responsibility for our faith. When God sends a helicopter, you have to climb in. So, action is a part of faith and prayer as well."

Maybe this blog and the attention it is getting is my helicopter out of the fear and the pain and into the life I was born to live.  I'm climbing in and am pretty excited to see where it's heading!!!  ♥

Diet Tip #382 - It's Not Just About What You Eat

A friend posted this pic from Demitri Martin on Facebook today and I loved it.  I thought if I ate all my meals using these implements I'd probably lose a few pounds.  :-)

Then I got thinking about how I eat.  I wasn't really all that aware about how I eat until I was recently watching my son eat.  As he was very rapidly shoveling food into his mouth I became increasingly agitated and maybe even angry.  I told him to slow down.  To set the fork down in between bites.  Close his mouth.  Stop making noises. To chew properly (crunch, crunch, swallow isn't good enough....at least chew 20 times or more, son!)

And while I was saying all these things I became even more frustrated and uncomfortable as I realized I was echoing my parents' words to me when I was younger.  Then I really stopped and tried to pay attention to  how *I* was eating and it was probably almost as vociferously and my heart sank.  What on earth have I been teaching this child?  Then I thought, well, maybe there's still time to save him from a lifetime of doom - and it has to start with my being the example, being the role model.

So henceforth and hitherto (blah blah blah) I declare I am going to think about my food while I eat it.  I am going to think about how I am eating the food.  Am I putting the fork down in between bites?  Am I enjoying it or shoveling it?  Am I taking time to see, smell, taste, enjoy the textures and colors?  Am I distracted by the TV or lost in my own thoughts and not really enjoying the meal?

I also feel the panic of time slipping away.  My son is 11 and it won't be long before he won't want to sit around and eat with Mom anymore.  So I want to really make mealtime more special.  I want to focus on him, our conversation and leisurely enjoying the time rather than rushing through.

It really isn't just about what you eat.  And I'm going to try to really be mindful of that going forward.  ♥

The Grinch Returns....

I do not know what happened this morning.  I felt all discombobulated.  I couldn't seem to do an exercise right.  Kept losing my balance.  Didn't feel the pull in the right places.  Was a bit snappy, I'm sure.  Nothing made sense in a single exercise I did!  The arm lifts and leg lifts all felt foreign, even though I've been doing them for 2 weeks!

What the heck is that?

I'm hoping it was because I had two days off (though I did ice skate and treadmill).  I also think I may have been off since I didn't get up as early as usual and felt very overtired.

I don't know...going to try to get my act together.  It's WAYYYYYY too soon to get frustrated already! lol

Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

If It Doesn't Help, DON'T DO IT!

Sometimes I wonder what the heck my problem really is.  Why do I occasionally sit here and watch myself walk right into the oncoming train?  I know something isn't good for me.  I know it doesn't feel good.  I know it won't get me closer to my next goal.  AND I DO IT ANYWAY.

It could be anything - like walking into the kitchen for an apple and coming out with a bag of chips (that sounds almost cute.  I should rephrase it.  It's like walking into the kitchen for an apple and coming out with a bag of chips, a hunk of cheese, a soda and some chocolate and thinking "I'm going to regret this.")  Then going ahead and eating it anyway.

Or watching the Christmas decorations sit there while I piddle around online.  The day is going to be over and I'm going to be thinking, in a pseudo-panic, "Oh my God, where did the weekend go?" I'm typing this now and, of course, they will still be sitting there, waiting to make the trip to the attic, at 7:00 pm.  Still.

When I quit smoking one of my quit buddies from Quitnet.com used to say to get rid of any unhelpful thoughts.  If unhelpful thoughts enter your head, just, well, get rid of them.  The same logic SHOULD apply everywhere.  If you are doing something unhelpful, STOP DOING IT.  Or if you start getting into some "stinking thinking" that could derail you, just stop it!  It sounds so simple, and it is.  It's simple to grasp, harder to implement.

For all the troubles I have overcome in my life (and there have been many), I think those I create for myself may be the hardest to overcome and deal with. Why do I take a perfectly good, normal day, and waste half of it and then get myself all in a tizzy over what I didn't do?  I don't know.  I don't really feel like exploring it today.  I kinda just feel like going to hang out on Facebook.  While I finish off these cheese and crackers.  Dammit.